accidental miracles

Remember, we've moved...

2011-11-20T15:27:00.002-07:00

Click here for the new accidental miracles website!

jumping ship...

2011-08-03T19:02:00.000-06:00

if you're a fan or a follower, consider this your heads up! accidental miracles is happily moving to two new locations--one just for just be farm, the other to extend accidental miracles in a fresh direction.

thanks for everything, blogger. it's been fun!

love, saturday

2011-06-11T16:04:00.005-06:00

starts and loaves

love our garden and its many thriving delights (in spite of the many losses it endured thanks to the unusually cold winter. -21 degrees f will do that...). love the muscat and himrod grapes on the vine (even as we bear the loss of the two concord grapes that wholly succumbed to the cold). love the bing cherry tree and its modest first round of fruit. love, especially, that the bing busted out a second round of blossoms meaning there might be enough for danish cherry sauce after all... love the pear, peach, and four-cherry trees. even though they aren't fruiting this year, they are growing and establishing their roots for the future.

one of the few strawberries
that wasn't eaten
before the camera came out

love our homegrown strawberries, which, for the first time ever, are producing large, sweet berries that make your mouth explode with water. love the red currants and their prolific clusters of ripening fruit with its promise of tart-jelly-deliciousness for future thanksgiving feasts.

red lake currant ripening

love the golden and heritage raspberries that have exploded beyond their beds and suggest that we might have more than enough fruit to eat fresh, can, and share. love the blackberries that are slowly establishing themselves along the perimeter of the garden. we might only get ten or so berries from them this year, but i can promise you they will be celebrated and cherished. (homemade vanilla ice cream and berries, anyone?)

love the nine varieties of lilacs that edge the lawn. my grandmother's farm in denmark featured enormous lilac bushes (trees?!) that infused the air with their heady scent. since coming to zach's home and making it my own, i've wanted to have lilacs bordering our back yard as well. this year's investment in still more plants makes my heart sing for how next year--and years after--will look, feel, and smell on the farm.

love the bush beans, snow peas, and shell peas that are positively racing toward the sun. love that we planted even more cannellini runner beans this year (after last year's test crop proved so incredible in minestrone and the like through the winter). love the eggplant, peppers, and other goodies just waiting to go in the ground.

love the way eli's new mom handled him when they came to visit him yesterday. love the skill and ease she demonstrated (in spite of the fact that she has three broken ribs!) working with him. love that eli will be joining a larger herd complete another palomino belgian draft with whom he will be trail riding and driving. love, love, LOVE that eli's new mom intends to drive the team in front of a gypsy wagon! (can't you just see it? oh my god.) love that, with eli gone, sera and cochise will have a whole new dynamic--and a robust training schedule.

love meeting genuine horse-people who have expressed an interest in our eli. our motivation in inviting someone else to take him is no reflection on him, but more a reflection on us and our current limitations: my husband doesn't have the time and/or training to put eli to work for us the way we had hoped in the beginning. absent a farm function, his size and nature put him at odds with our desired outcome for seraphina and cochise, our two riding horses. love that, true to our point of wanting him to go to the right place, we scouted out the interested party's home first. love that it wasn't about the money, which meant it worked out even better when they offered to trade for two male huacaya alpacas, dante and jabari.

dante and jabari
love that as of yesterday, it is settled: eli will join them in july (after he has received his annual shots, floating, and check-up in june). meanwhile, dante and jabari, the alpacas, will have a chance to be fattened up a bit. (they remained at the farm where she got them until after they were sheared just recently; the shearing revealed they were kept a bit underweight.) love that they will arrive healthy and happy in july, too, which gives us time to get their pen ready and begin to find a guard llama... and a female huacaya for breeding. (love how that means baby alpaca snuggles within the next 18 months!)

love our white trash/ghetto pool. yes, it's the ugliest thing on the planet. yeah, it looks like it belongs in a trailer park. still... there is no substitute for having a large, cool watering hole to jump into after you've been working under the hot sun for hours. it cost $50; that's about half a penny per giggle, splash, and sigh for last year alone... we have every intention of busting it out again this year, especially with these hot days and no sign of rain.

from left to right: blue, duchess, prima, and coco

love the girl duck posse--duchess, coco, prima, blue, and esther--and their hilarious antics. love the dreamy, iridescent blues and greens on the new girls' wing tips and tails. (don't love the incredibly aggressive and totally unacceptable behavior of mr. quacks, whose horrific sexual assaults of the new girls resulted in his being removed from the common area altogether. for shame.) love that today is the day their kick-ass new home should be far enough along to allow them to move into the new digs with its 450-gallon, two tub water park. love that once the ducks leave the chicken enclosure, the chickens, too, will have a whole new world to enjoy.

oriental poppy among the perennials in the big bed

love our perennial flowers and the prolific starts of our beloved farm flower, the black-eyed susan. this year promises even more of the beautiful blooms than ever before. i've a soft spot for them inasmuch as they were planted in conjunction with our wedding and carry "our" colors (dirt and honey/brown and gold).

love having so many good books to read: joy of man's desiring, three magic words, the shamanic way of the bee, the lacuna and more. love having four days off next week in which to indulge them--and myself.

love my kitchen and all of its unique tools. love sourdough starter, ten pounds of organic flour, and my can-do attitude which delivered two sourdough artisan loaves, two sourdough brotform loaves, three italian loaves (covered in basil, oregano, parmesan, garlic powder, and salt), two extra-tangy sourdough sandwich loaves, and sourdough english muffins in one day. at one point i had five different recipes rising last night...

love my husband and absolutely everything about him. love his voice, his laugh, his language, his hands, his smile, his heart.

love, love, love our growing commitment to biodynamics and sustainability. love that we are enrolled in an online seminar to develop our presentation skills surrounding gmo crops and their hazards. love that we also have a healing touch for animals seminar ahead this year. love that our farm, our fold, our skills, and our hearts are growing every day...

love saturday.

miraculous monday

2011-06-06T21:13:00.000-06:00

Each month, as we remember it, we check our monthly horoscopes through Susan Miller's astrology zone site. In June's horoscope for Taurus, I was encouraged to read that Jupiter was finally making a favorable move in my chart--after 12 years, and for the next 12 years. Between Jupiter's shift, the trio of eclipses, and several other planetary shuffles, the promise for the month of June was so positive as to be almost unbelievable. And yet, here it is, Monday, June 6th, and several of the things in our life that have been utterly stuck are suddenly, elegantly unstuck.

In one day, while working shoeing horses, my beloved husband has as good as found homes for two cars and a horse we were selling. Both vehicles have extremely interested buyers. Our beautiful Belgian draft horse, Eli, may have a new (perfect!) forever home with a woman who already has another 11-year old Belgian draft gelding who is looking for a friend and a companion for driving. With Eli, our only concern was the quality of home, not making any money. Ironically, this woman wanted to know straightaway if we would trade... For an alpaca... Uh, yeah... The knitting wife is okay with that. You can file that one under, "Hell, yes!"

Meanwhile, I lost my patience with anything and everything we'd been putting on hold. Today, I just went for it: I ordered two Mason bee hives and a top bar hive for honeybees. This after discovering that the local folks who are renowned for their queen bee breeding actually will have nucs to share come July. (And, after losing our window last year when the craftsman we hired to make it dawdled too long and the bees sold out...) Between that and the alpaca, you can cross two desired new ventures off our farm's wish list.

Finally, the multiple packages I've been sitting on for friends and family are finally making their way out the door: books, green chile mixes, treats, and thank you's (even a pair of brand new cowboy boots!) that have been lingering in a corner are finally coming together thanks to my new desk. I'm a huge fan of surprise and delights--I try to stay in touch with letters and unexpected gifts because they're good for the soul. But it's amazing just what a stop-gap no desk can be for someone like me. It's been eight months since I began amassing many of these items for the people I love...

Finally, the garden. Which is to say FINALLY we made progress. We got out there, planted our fruits--including five kinds of beans, a host of tomatoes, peas, snow peas, butternut and zucchini squash and more, and made a biodynamic schedule with an eye to planting too much. We've finally realized that if we're going to build and grow this farm in our own hearts and the eyes of this community, it's time to grow enough food to get us there. And so it begins...

Thank goodness for June!

love, saturday - memorial day weekend edition

2011-05-30T22:25:00.003-06:00

golden castle cake, pre-icing

love the silicone bundt mold--in the shape of a castle!--that arrived with birthday blessings all the way from denmark. love having the givers in my heart every time i bake something new in it. love coconut pound cake with pineapple coconut ice cream. love cherry-apricot-almond spice cake with nutmeg icing glaze. love heritage sourdough starter and the many exotic loaves resulting from it.

our bathroom, v. 2.0

love that our desire for fresh color and renewed light throughout our home has resulted in a complete re-accessorizing of our only bathroom. in spite of the somewhat silly motif, i love it. everything from recycled tissue/t.p. holders in aqua and lime to orange towels have brightened the space. love the new, curved shower curtain rod that makes our modest shower feel huge.

love that shortly after renovating the bathroom, even the dogs got in on the excitement. phinda got his first ever bath with us--love how well-behaved, even eager he was. love, love, love that, after i initially teased imara--who has NEVER had a bath in her whole life!--she walked sheepishly in and then bravely endured. love seeing their unusual black skin emerge under their wet coats. love how incredibly soft and yummy they both were. love, love, love our dogs.

love that ikea now ships some items (although, be aware, not all ship cheap!) love my new desk--an old school, secretary-style piece in a bright, light wood. love that its placement in our newly emptied living room affords me a view of the back yard critters including the neighborhood hummingbirds. love sipping tea, nibbling pound cake and ice cream, and typing away, all from a comfortable chair. love that our kitty loves the location--and the chair--as much as i do, making it possible to have regular lap time.

love the lightness of being that is our new living room. (even though some of that results directly from it being empty.)

love that all of the pieces we love in the updated room all miraculously match.

love getting dirty in the garden again. love planting summer and butternut squash, cannellini and bush beans, snow and shell peas, cucumber and zucchini. love our garden, our raised beds, our perennials, our seed book, and index cards. love our simple, biodynamically inspired farm.

love our new ikea kitchen shelves. between the new shelves in the entry and the over-the-stove shelves with hooks, i am over the moon. everything has a place. there is less stuff on the floor (meaning things are protected from whipping dog tails during the "dinner show").

love, love, love my kitchen and the many delights it inspires in me. love that we are still enjoying last season's delights. the latest love? scalloped potatoes made from last year's dehydrated potatoes. love my husband, who never fails to lead with gratitude when he sees me getting underway with measuring cups, containers, and one or both kitchenaid mixers.

love searching the pantry for items that are at or near their "best by" date and discovering things like homemade peach nectar. love putting that nectar to use in both homemade popsicles and our newest cocktail invention, "the fuzzy squirrel":

1/2 just be farm peach nectar popsicle
2 jiggers vodka
crushed ice
grapefruit soda

chill two martini glasses by filling with water and ice. shake crushed ice, 1/2 popsicle, and vodka until blended. pour out the ice water, fill martini glasses with peach mixture. fill glasses almost to rim with grapefruit soda (such as squirt). stir to encourage fizzy bubbles. love, love, love.

love looking in the mirror and seeing more than just my job title, my history, my weight. love seeing a new woman emerge, with new hair, and a new purpose. love beginning to think of our dream as more than just a dream. love beginning to viscerally feel that it is imminent. and immanent. love our neighbor. love my husband.

love saturday.

love, saturday

2011-05-15T16:07:00.000-06:00

love my new light box! up to now i've captured hundreds of photos of hand knits on the only decent solid backdrop i have--my incredibly dismal brown sofa. only a few have been even passable. (seriously, if you're looking to make your hard handiwork instantly look like poop, take a picture of it on the sofa in our living room.) after a little research i found an inexpensive kit complete with a light box, colored backdrops, a camera tripod, and two lights (with attached, collapsible tripods!). best of all, the light box, backdrops, and tripod collapse into a tiny carrying case. awesome.

speaking of the evil, brown sofa...

love that we are committed to the ultimate in spring cleaning: a complete purge of our closets, cabinets, tubs, and furniture. everything must go! by way of background, my beloved and i just happened to have the exact same style of furniture (most of it sourced from the same local store) when we came together. as we've been entertaining our desires for the future, we had an a-ha moment: what the hell are we doing with all this furniture that we no longer really like? our sofa is too big, dark, and hefty. our considerable collection of hacienda-style furniture is completely out of line with our life. that and just about every piece has a history that pre-dates "us." (why am i keeping the corner cabinet that *always* reminds me of the six hour drive from el paso to santa fe with the meanest man i've ever dated? anyone?) with no hesitation whatsoever, we committed to completely. starting. over.

love that our struggles with the dilapidated wire baskets holding our socks and underwear now have a foreseeable end. love our refreshed and organized closets, drawers, shelves, and kitchen. love that our tiny home feels big and new again.

love the psychic relief of releasing many of the items we'll be selling: from crystal mikasa stemware from my first marriage to etched crystal stemware from my husband's and much more, we are liberated (and so are our shelves!).

love that ikea now ships some items, which means some of the things we selected to update the house will arrive later this week (without our having to drive to denver...)

love our plans to participate in a neighborhood yard sale (especially since it will be somewhere other than here!). love being able to move all of the items we're purging this weekend to the sale location early. love that my beloved is willing to be the face of the yard sale. (don't ask me why, but they make me want to crawl under a rock and die.)

love that between the purge and the sale, we'll have the creative space and financial capacity to literally begin again with a fresh look. love just how promising our imaginings have been.

love the shopping list we've already amassed for ikea (in denver). love how that means a road trip in our not so distant future (not to mention a new kitchen table with chairs, a platform for our bed, new sofas, a leather rocker, and more). love that our shopping list is quite robust--and will cost far less than we can expect for what we're selling at the yard sale.

love the paint ideas popping into our heads (celadon! mediterranean blue plaster!) now that we are looking at our space with fresh eyes. love the resulting (bitter) end of the remaining east coast colors throughout the house. (no offense, east coasters. it's just that nothing about our house or location is east coast! santa fe is not providence, after all...)

love applying feng shui to our bedroom as we entertain how to rearrange it. love how open and bright the space is becoming.

love my husband. love that while we remain wholly independent people, we share so much. love his humor, support, values, strength, and tenderness.

love, saturday - bobcat edition

2011-04-24T12:52:00.002-06:00

this week's love, saturday can't help but begin with some things we didn't love at all:

losing four meat birds to a bobcat
taking responsibility for killing the bobcat (knowing first that Fish & Game would be doing it if we didn't, end of story either way)
losing sleep to said bobcat over four days as we worked diligently to protect our animals
initially injuring, but not downing, the bobcat at our first real opportunity

these are all things we cannot change. and so we try to look with our best eyes at the other things that are also true. from there we can see there have been some truly humbling and amazing moments from the experience, which we have endeavored to approach with our best selves...

love my husband, his courage, and his compassionate spirit. he did not take shooting this bobcat lightly, but he also didn't want someone else to have to do it for us.

love that, amazingly, we were able to locate the wounded bobcat early Saturday, just a short time after we set out to find it. talk about looking for a (reluctant to be found) needle in a haystack. (it goes without saying we did not love at all that we had wounded the animal or that it had suffered until we found it again. there are no words...)

love that our "lion dogs" actually helped us track the bobcat: phinda phound the first big clue that set us in the right direction.

phinda all tuckered out after bobcat tracking

love at least knowing that we made it right, gave it peace, and honored it at every step along the way.

love that my husband shares my sensibilities when it comes to appropriately marking such a profound passage and experience. love that we have friends who joined us to support our efforts to ensure the bobcat's spirit made passage. love the drumming and rattling to guide the bobcat's spirit home. love the oils and rosebuds for anointing the surrendered body. love the corn meal, tobacco, and turquoise we placed where the animal lost it's life. love silently acknowledging the bobcat's grace and beauty, it's very bobcatness, which regrettably at our farm resulted in the cat's undoing, as i gently washed away the blood from the stones. love recognizing that this cat meant us no harm--it was purely being a bobcat.

knowing that nothing could be done but what was done, love that my husband elected to further honor the cat by preserving it's hide. love that we have capable friends who are willing to share their expertise in such trades (and that they don't balk at the two women drumming and rattling, anointing and praying ten feet away all the while). love that we will have a forever reminder of the grace and humility we owe to this beautiful bobcat and the challenge he gave us. (we'd have eaten him out of deepest respect if we could. seriously. we couldn't do enough to recognize his sacrifice...)

there are of course other animals on the farm, other things to love, especially now that this experience is moving slowly behind us. love that we finally got some sleep. (oh my GOD. we were broken.) love not looking out the window with trepidation and angst about the safety of the many relatively defenseless critters we've welcomed to our farm. love finally touching the more mundane cornerstones of our life again: scooping horse manure, cleaning the chicken coop, sorting, washing, and folding laundry, playing with the dogs, cooking, letting the cat out during the day.

love letting the ducklings play in the bathtub. especially love their hilarious, panicked squeals when I left them in there alone briefly. just when i thought they could maybe care less about me, they made it absolutely clear they didn't want to be in there without me. love how, when i returned, their play was restored. love, love, love how i got snuggles from every one of them as i dried them off before returning them to the brooder.

love that sunday promises rain--and resurrection, rebirth--which means i'll likely get some contemplative couch time with knitting needles and tea.

in spite of many of the more painful parts of the days leading up to it and the hours therein, i still loved saturday.

"The Most Expensive Chickens We Never Ate"

2011-04-23T13:57:00.000-06:00

I apologize for the way this is written--so much detail, not so much perspective. SO many people have been asking us about this story, that this is the easiest way to share the details with everyone. If you're sensitive about animals, this might not be the blog post for you. Consider yourself warned. I'll write more of the insightful stuff later...

And then there were three. Fifteen big, fat, beautiful organic chickens reduced to three (very nervous) birds.

It goes like this...

As our birds grew, we took to letting our meat birds scratch about our greenhouse. This was partly driven by the fact that several birds inexplicably died in the hen hut we'd been using. Since at least two appeared to have broken their own necks in the corner, we opened the meat birds up to the larger space in the greenhouse to give them more room (and a higher ceiling upon which not to crack their own vertebrae). That appeared to solve that problem.

With days growing warmer, we began opening the greenhouse door, leaving a plastic mesh net secured over the door to discourage them from wandering out and attracting an owl. We never imagined something larger and more sinister would find them at dusk while we were out celebrating our "engagiversary" (aka the anniversary of the day Zach asked me to marry him). We came home from dinner, put the ducks and hens up for the night. As warm as it was--and as quiet as they were--in the greenhouse (a-hem), we decided to forego formally closing the greenhouse door. That was Tuesday at 9:30 pm.

Wednesday morning, only three bumbling, fat birds rushed to greet me at the door. I waited, re-counted, and swallowed hard. Then I set out to find the bodies.

At first, I was only able to locate three, all of which had been killed, but not eaten. My heart revisited the horror of our last significant massacre and the heartbreak of so many beautiful farm friends dead for no reason. Why kill so many and eat none? After calling in to work late to clean up some of the mess, I found still more evidence as to the nature of the offender: large claw marks extended from outside of the kill location toward the center, covering the carcass with litter. Based on the size of the paw marks, I called the NM Game & Fish warden. It was clear we had something other than a coyote...

I won't say they were expecting my call, but they weren't surprised by it. The Santa Fe area warden was downright excited to hear from us: apparently, "our cat" has been devouring domesticated pets across the area for the past few months. Smaller dogs, cats, lambs, sheep, you name it. While showing the warden the kill locations, we found the fourth bird, exceptionally well buried against the fence. The warden (who was incredibly friendly, knowledgeable, compassionate, and supportive, btw) speculated we had either a juvenile mountain lion or an unusually large bobcat.

I won't lie to you. Wednesday evening, our first opportunity to lay in wait, we had an overnight guest (who happens to be a marksman and a hunter). Once word got out that we were looking to catch a big, wild cat in our own front yard, we had a bit of a redneck rodeo on our hands. Friends came out of the woodwork with advice, ammunition, alcohol. In spite of my cautions that our hubbub in the kitchen (where we sat with the screens removed and the windows open) might scare the cat off, not much by way of stealth stakeout happened. The only thing the men in the house shot on Wednesday night ended up being some shit and tequila. I interrupted them once to point out that it was officially a bobcat, a big one. And she was standing about 40 feet away. The moment they saw her, their scrambling and enthusiasm frightened her away. I asserted she'd be back, they disagreed. I stayed up after they went to bed. When she returned the second time, my husband was entirely too tired (after many days of <4 hours sleep) to find his mark. I was too sensitive about embarrassing the guys to shoot her myself.

Thursday morning revealed she had not only returned, but also happily macked on yet another round of organic white chicken breast from a cached kill in the corner where it is hardest to see her. I thought I'd seen her eating in that corner, but I wasn't sure. (She is a beautiful greyish-brown color that blends remarkably well with our fence.) It turns out, I spent about an hour watching her eat, my audiobook rolling away in my ears, my iPhone browsing bobcat totems. She was right there.

Thursday night, we spent hours on the roof laying in wait. (Okay, more accurately, I lay in a kind of exaggerated, excruciating yoga pose to counteract the increasing wind and the roof's slant; I have vertigo after all. All day yesterday, I was crippled by my sore muscles.) Wracked from sleeplessness, we called the warden back on Friday and formally asked for the trap. He promised to return with it Saturday. (Did I mention he's a really nice guy?)

Last night, knowing the trap was coming anyway, we mixed it up. While my husband worked in ABQ and the sun went low, I parked behind a screen in the front yard, the rifle by my side and the handgun in my hands. I covered myself with my husband's camouflage Snuggie. (No kidding.) I sat and waited. At about 8:40 PM, I heard her hit the fence and realized to my horror she had jumped up in what we had hitherto been her least favorite of the three entrances she's used. She was behind me, out of my sight, but she could clearly see me. It was an interesting feeling.

I didn't move. Not at all. By that point I was actually pretty sure I was going to be the one to shoot her. Unbelievably, not two seconds after she stepped down, she made a move back toward the fence as I recognized the unmistakeable sound of the UPS truck barreling down our rutted dirt road. In a flash, she jumped up and out of the garden again. I threw the Snuggie off and accepted my new King size sheets with the handgun in my hand.

Zach spent some more time on the roof. We knew she was close, could hear her moving, even thought we could occasionally see the gleam of her eye through the broad breaks in the fence. Zach was up on the roof, down again. I baked cookies. We waited, but we weren't quiet, either. Given her behavior to this point and the game warden's assurances that she would be back ("especially for these fat chickens" ), we didn't edit ourselves much. We kept the screen off and figured we'd see her anyway. Because she's just that brave.

Somewhere about 10:30 PM, she hopped to the top of the fence and watched, waiting. We heard her jump down, but couldn't find her with our eyes. Able to hear the wet noises from the corner, we were confident she was crouched behind our sour cherry bush nibbling away, but we could barely see her. At 11 PM, uncertain he'd get a better shot, Zach found his mark and pulled the trigger. She ran to her second favorite access point and scaled the fence.

You can believe we were outside with the guns and our flashlights in no time whatsoever. A quick survey of the corner revealed no bullet, no blood spray. We saw nothing on the fence. We moved around the outside perimeter of our fence in earnest, but gave up when no trail could be discovered.

This morning was different. We found the bullet lodged in the fence. Matter was sprayed in such a way as to suggest it wasn't from the expired chicken the cat had been eating for the last two nights. By the time our friendly game warden arrived with the trap, we were confident we'd hit her. As the three of us revisited the outside perimeter with our dogs, I found two separate locations with large deposits of fresh blood. What we know thus far would suggest a critical injury*. At this moment, we are headed out on foot yet again to more urgently search the neighborhood. We are hopeful we will find a cat.

________________________________________
*Those of you that know us, especially me, would be right in assuming we have some pretty strong feelings about the significance of this experience. We are not happy about the fact that this bobcat may be suffering yet. It was not easy to reconcile killing it. There's no time now to go into all of that--at this minute our obligation is to the shot we fired into a wild animal that did not immediately go down...

Spring

2011-04-16T22:43:00.000-06:00

love, saturday

2011-04-16T22:36:00.001-06:00

love having a day at home together. to work. to play. to talk. i don't see my husband as often as i did just a few months ago thanks to our respective work schedules. today was a treat.

love the many things we accomplished in spite of being tired, stressed, and pressured for time.

love breakfast burritos to-go from the san marcos cafe and baby ducklings from the attached feed store. love opening the cage and finding the ones that captured our hearts. love that our third and last duckling literally walked forward toward my hand with a "whassup?!" look that could not be ignored. love that these ducklings are newly hatched and therefore much smaller than our first round. they are truly adorable. and tea-cup-sized. it is killing cuteness.

"whassup?!" duckling is far left

love that because we have really made headway against our farm goals, we already had a permanent brooder built into the coop, ready to go for the new arrivals. love feeling set up for success with so many of our animals right now. love knowing--and viscerally feeling--their circumstances and our shared relationships are improving every day. from the ducks to the horses to the dogs to the chickens to the imminent sheep and goats, our animals are well and getting better.

love the incredible work we did toward completing the new "duck world."

love our cherished neighbor. love helping her move large items and just catching up. love coming to the conclusion we should have a combined yard sale for many of the items we are respectively purging. love that because she owns a bed and breakfast, we can not only combine items for sale, but also use her b&b as the sale location. it's right off a main highway (right when traffic to our neighboring wholesale flower supplier is off the hook). love how that means not having the typical yard sale mobs at our homes.

love not knowing what to have for dinner not because there is nothing to eat, but rather because there are too many fresh, delicious options.

love planning a quiet evening with knitting needles, my husband's company, sated critters, and our favorite movie to held us recharge from the day and the week.

love ghiradelli chocolate chips--especially in the cookie recipe they provide on the back of the bag.

love having a fun, simple knitting project to putter with for relatively instant gratification and a nostalgic, ultimate purpose: a tea cozy for my grandmother's tea/cocoa pot. love the silly, sweet pattern and its fun homage to bees and, thereby, so many, many symbols of our farm.

love finally ordering our freezer, a 14.8 cubic foot trunk model. love easily finding an even less expensive one than we'd originally looked at--and magically coordinating delivery on my day off!

love having cereal with banana as a snack. love an ice cream sandwich as snack-dessert. love how that and our burritos gave us the energy to make dinner from scratch: organic pasta, four rossa sauce, steamed organic broccoli, and organic pasta. love homemade bruschetta in a jar made from last season's tomatoes and basil to make the meal feel downright elegant. not to mention delicious.

love everyday evening farm chores including checking on the pullets, cockerels, and ducklings, refilling waters, bringing the horses in, feeding the ponies (and delighting in their accompanying nickers), closing in the mature chickens and ducks for the night, watering the last thirsty bits of the garden, and, last but not least, sights like these:

love that the mature hens were extra enthusiastic today
with extra eggs, nestled extra deep

love the cockerels and pullets, by now 99.8% feathered in

love henny penny ready to settle on a lap for snuggles

love lady esther enjoying her little bit of heaven
(fresh food + fresh water on the ground + fresh water
in pond + lettuce on the ground = HEAVEN)

love lady e, mr. quacks, and duchess

love lilacs coming...

...and lilacs here.

love sunset on the day's progress toward our new "duck world"

love pear blossoms at sunset on just be farm

love the moon through the weeping willow

love sunset on our apple blossoms

love, saturday

25 things to be happy about - and grateful for - right now

2011-04-15T20:23:00.000-06:00

it looks like everything thus far has survived the frosts...
i harvested my first homegrown rhubarb leaves today.
i can sleep in tomorrow after a week of waking up early on the east coast.
i came home to flowers on two sour cherries, both bings, the pear, the apricot, the apple, all four currants, the gooseberries, and the strawberries. and all of them look like they're gonna make it, by golly.
the grapes are already coming back.
my commitment to growing my hair out is going surprisingly well--and quickly. i really was over the boyish cut, apparently. i am really looking forward to long, feminine hair.
phinda and i will shortly begin obedience training after which...
...my boy gets to be special again. he misses the attention of the show ring (for which he's not ultimately suited), so we're going to get into agility with him instead.
horse training has begun for sera; cochise won't be far behind.
i think we finally know what we're going to do with eli.
i feel good about what we're going to do with eli. really good. really relieved, frankly.
they got indian runner ducklings at the feed store tomorrow. that means i'll have indian runner ducklings tomorrow.
after losing more than half of our meat birds (was it the vaccinations? their stupidity? the plague? i have no idea), the surviving seven are finally thriving. and they are FAT.
our killing cones have arrived to make the butchering process that much more civil, organized, and painless (for not only the birds, but us, too).
we'll have a trunk freezer to put our seven organic, home-raised chickens in.
there's room in there for esther if she doesn't get her attitude right.
esther is already fat, too. (and she's a pekin.)
our lawn is coming back (as is our incredible willow) causing spring to feel more imminent than ever.
we now have a 300 gallon pond and a whole new arrangement for our "duck world." (because obviously 100 gallons isn't enough. okay, yes, we're dorks. and we spoil our ducks. there are clearly more important things we should be doing with our money, but whatever... we're dorks.)
the debris on the porch has been moved making it possible for us to sit outside and enjoy coffee on the porch (!!!) every morning.
soon the ducks will be within eyesight and earshot of said porch, making mornings with coffee on the porch that much more entertaining.
there are actually fresh vegetables in our refrigerator. (there was a considerable cost to my soul given they were sourced at a local supermarket at 5 on a friday, but it had to be done.)
tomorrow includes a complete purge of our closets and the (ridiculously) many rubbermaid tubs within which we decided to store all manner of random wires, old video games, video tapes, and other useless items under the delusion they would somehow eventually be more useful than annoying. we were mistaken. macgyver couldn't find a way to put these things back on the map of relevance.
at some point after said purge, i am replacing what will likely amount to a pile of ny&co slacks and blouses with some dresses and skirts. somewhere along the way, my wardrobe failed to effectively reinforce that i am a woman. (or had any real independent sense of style, candidly.) i am less than okay with that. (see also item #6)
i have a surprise day off next week that i wasn't expecting--and dearly needed.

for all of these things and more, i am happy and grateful right now.

Ophicially Phamily

2011-03-27T22:11:00.002-06:00

We got an unspeakably beautiful gift today.

Yesterday marked the end of our three week trial period with Phinda. After confirming by phone earlier this weekend that we wanted to keep him (!! are you kidding?! it's possible he could leave?! heartbreak!!), we made arrangements to sign the paperwork at our house this afternoon. That means that earlier today, we prepared to receive the woman who has raised Phinda for the last four years...

I was a little nervous. Not a lot--we certainly knew Phinda was happy!--but she is his mom after all. What if some of the love I'd seen from him was only a fraction of what he had for her? After giving her directions, we waited to see what the reunion would look like...

Turns out, the dogs were sleeping on their beds, in the house. We left the gate open, seeing as they were inside, so Kathleen made it all the way to the screen door of the house before they realized she was even here.

And Phinda definitely recognized her. He jumped (like he does) and he stood on her chair (again, his thing) and he sniffed her hair (yep...). And then he did something amazing. He came right back to me, like he does, and stretched across my legs (again, his thing) and he totally chilled out (wow...). Before long, he and Moose retired to the bedroom, right back on their beds. And there could be no doubt he was home.

We talked with Phinda's mom for some time, both before we worked on the paperwork and after. She saw pics of Az, of Phinda, of Sonora and Sedai. Before she left, we returned the leather leash we had borrowed when we picked Phin up (which belonged to a precious dog of theirs that they lost years ago). Phinda perked up a bit when he saw the leash (which is no surprise at all given how he has already behaved with us) and he did try initially to go out the front door with her.

But he stayed. Zach barely put his finger on Phinda's collar and he stayed. When it became clear she was walking away without him, he trotted right back into the bedroom--right after Imara.

Just when I thought he couldn't melt me anymore, he did. When my husband left to pick up food from town for us for dinner, Phinda realized we were going back to normal--the visit was over. No sooner did I go back to folding laundry and putting dishes away and Phinda went crazy. He bounced and jumped and danced and flipped out. (And this well before dinner time.) I swear, it felt like his exuberance was directly derived from his realizing we were going right back to how things were.

We love him. We are all so happy.

We are so incredibly grateful to the breeders for their ineffable selflessness in offering him to us. They so clearly love him, too. They loved him for four years--slept with him like we do. It's heartbreaking. Yet even his mom could see he is thriving. And with that, I'm Phinda's mama. Ophicially.

As of today, our beloved boy is truly our beloved boy. He is ophicially phamily.

(And we are even more close to/grateful for conscientious breeders!)

love, saturday

2011-03-26T22:08:00.000-06:00

love waking up late--once again--to ponies fed, chickens and ducks loose, and coffee brewed.

love starting slowly (think pajamas, slippers, coffee...) and taking in the garden only to realize just how much it's grown in the last few days! love how many more things are coming back and greening the environment. love that without planning it that way, we put all the perennials in view of the living room (and all of the "dead beds" that are rotated with new things from seed off to the side where they are hidden). love how that accidental miracle delivered a view that reveals new magic every day.

love a long, hot shower while the dogs enjoy breakfast.

love working our butts off once we got going! there must have been something in the coffee...

love that the weather graced us all day with nothing but sun and the occasional refreshing gust.

love limbing (more like attacking) the juniper by the peach tree/kitchen window--love how it opened up the space! love that the peach, planted in honor of our beloved juno, aka june pie, looked immediately relieved by the improved light.

love collecting all of the corn stalks and husks, tomato and pepper plants, and dead leaves that had dried over the winter from last year's crop--love how clean and light the area feels now (especially since this is the area visible from the front of our house!).

love surrounding the hops (which are growing visibly every day) with large stones and moving our mutliple strings of bee lights from around the patio to over our rustic garden gate. love how it now looks like there is a swarm of cute, bright bees around our garden gate, leading in a line to our back door. love that you can see the warmth of their glow from the kitchen.

love watching my beloved husband prune up our apple tree, removing all the water spouts and securing a smaller, but more robust harvest. love feeling the beginnings of grass beneath my feet as i removed the trimmings resulting from his handiwork.

love removing three trailer loads of debris (raspberry, currant, apple, gooseberry, AND juniper prunings). love feeling the work in my muscles and back in the best possible way.

love our new cordless drill with which we were finally able to hang our wrought iron "just be farm" wall hanging (complete with solar light!). love how clean and deliberate everything looks.

love our six new lilacs--four to complete the "green screen" in the back and two to help "de-desert" the front yard. (the four for the back are persian lilacs with an amazing scent. the remaining two for the front have an incredible warm yellow-apricot color.)

love finding the perfect place for our enormous white trash swimming pool. love that it affords us more privacy at the same time it restored our back yard view.

love getting at least 1/3 of the list done. love saturday.

love, saturday

2011-03-19T21:58:00.002-06:00

love enjoying a day without having to go into town.

love that even though we had a long list of things to do, my husband--knowing i needed rest--let me sleep until quite late. love waking up to all of the animals fed, the kitchen clean, the coffee hot, and the sky blue. love my long, hot shower before putting on shorts and a tank top. love the delightfully warm and bright spring weather. (love my husband!)

love our busy, beautiful day after my lazy start: the san marcos to share a handheld breakfast burrito with red chile, the attached feed store for a new (love!) 110-gallon recycled plastic duck pond, then back home for a farm day full of chores both in and out of the sun.

love having the dogs with us all day long. love watching phinda continue to emerge from his shell more and more. love his pure delight in climbing things, like our picnic table.

love how both dogs have been sleeping on their new beds since dinner. (spring days on our farm for our dogs is like a summer day at the beach for young kids = wipeout.)

love removing the last of the spent floricanes from the heritage raspberries and golden raspberries. love pruning the currants and raking the last of winter's musty cloak from around the garden.

love spring cleaning in the house, too, including getting after the kitchen table and chairs with murphy's oil soap. love cleaning up the kitchen still further by completely eliminating a long bookshelf, moving the cookbooks to cleaner/higher ground (where they add color and coziness), and re-purposing the bookshelf in the guest room (where it was desperately needed). love that while i was hard at work inside, the old fridge that had been white trashing our view outside magically found a new home without my having to lift a finger.

love watching the ducks explore the garden (grubs! worms! fresh baby grass!) as we let them out while we installed their new pond in the enclosure. love their reaction when they got back into the coop, realized what it was, and learned how to get in it. love their hysterical quacks and celebratory dives and splashes. (love the ingenious rubber mat approach my husband took to allow them to gently get in and out. this version is temporary, but i must say, the ducks loved it, even in its draft format...)

needs more work--including more gravel and a new rubber ramp--
but, esther doesn't know or care about that right now..

love how the new pond drains from a hose to our concord and muscat grapes (and from splashes and drips through a gravel trench to our green table grapes). love getting this and several other big items off the list in spite of a lazy start and a delightfully relaxing evening.

love that by tomorrow evening, the final "pimping" of the poultry yard will include:

more gravel and rocks around the pond (to make it cleaner and safer)
fresh straw in the duck house and duck nests
fresh chips in the chicken house and straw in the nests
the young layer chicks moved into a hen hut in the coop

love that the ponies will get the very same attention tomorrow in their respective barns and turnout. (i have a dream: i would love to expand eli's corral and add a new ante-turnout to the ponies' world tomorrow, but we are not miracle workers...)

love, saturday.

The Best Antidepressant in the World

2011-03-18T18:31:00.002-06:00

Need a little pick-me-up?

Try a teeny tiny dose of Spring:

the "new" cherry tree

hops! six are already coming back.

the "old" lilac

the "new" gooseberry

one of two "new" lilacs

strawberries

the oriental poppy

rhubarb, second year. all three in the back are on their way...

heritage raspberry

I feel better already. Say it with me: "Ahhhhh........."

Discoveries

2011-03-13T21:10:00.000-06:00

I didn't get much outdoor farm time today, but what I did get was revealing in its breadth and depth...

First, there are at least a dozen strawberry plants returning; two of the three rhubarbs in the back are already looking strong, too.

Next, the Silver-Laced Wyandottes--all three of whom came from a neighbor who had overcrowded his chickens--really are just mean. I've never seen a more aggressive and skittish group of hens. I watched in awe as one of the little biddies tried to get after Lady Esther through the dividing fence. No point, nothing to fight over, she just launched at her and then wouldn't back down. (sigh...) As the gentle and good natured chicks mature in the brooder, we begin to wonder whether the Wyandottes will be invited to remain. We're just a little too into harmony around here.

One of the kinder, gentler Rhode Island Reds... Big Red.

Speaking of disrupted poultry harmony and aggressive fowl, remember Lucifer, the evil Barred Rock rooster? After his, uh, "passing" some years ago, we decided to name our next roosters after gay entertainers. Both of them were a delight, most especially our beloved Sir Elton John. (Seriously. When he and George Michael were lost, we committed to playing the same name game with our newest roosters, of which there should have been three.

Lucifer way back when, before he revealed
his true colors (and became coq au vin).

Unfortunately, one (the Buttercup, like Elton) was not included in our order. That left the two Barred Rock cockerels, who are notorious for growing into big, bad cock-eyed roosters. If I'd been thinking, I'd have come up with two gay entertainers' names before the birds' personalities revealed themselves. As it stands, only one was thus anointed: Ricky Martin (who goes by Little Ricky).

Alas, the one that started out as Curious George (for being so curious) is holding true to the legend: he, too, is as much mean as I've seen in a cockerel his size, and his size is scary big for his relative age. And he doesn't appear to have any back-down in him. None at all. What's worse, his name is a duplicate--we've already had a George in George Michael. I fear this guy is doomed.

That's George up front when he was much smaller.
He had the stink eye back then, too.

Meanwhile, there are several other personalities emerging among the flock. The more cuddly of the two Black Cochins has earned the nickname Ping as she looks like a penguin. (The Danish word for penguin is "pingvin.") She has inky black feathers emerging all the way down her legs and a bright white, fluffy stripe up front.

Phinally, there is Phinda. We've been learning a lot since he arrived: He is extremely sensitive. He has yet to lick one of us. He loves Moose. He has lots of nightmares. Today I learned something new about my little prince: he can jump. I mean like frisbee dog jump. When he's excited, he can also jump straight up. Like straight up straight up. I see a new hobby in our future.

love, saturday

2011-03-13T14:10:00.001-06:00

love moving FOUR significant "wants" to the "haves" column:

new macbook pro for me
new macbook for the husband
new iphone 4 for the husband
new driver's license for me (replete with accurate weight and hair--and my married name, finally!)

love, love, LOVE having a working computer. seriously. there are no words. (don't love the furious rush i'm in to download updates, etc. so i can use it for work. on saturday at 9 pm... )

love moving pictures over and seeing them clearly for the first time in years. love the myriad memories and emotions that flush as the pictures flash past: juno, sonora, az, our first chickens, the trench we endured after the electrical refit, meeting seraphina for the first time... we are truly blessed.

love that i can FINALLY create a wedding album with the amazing photos from ginger russell. (yes, it's now a year and a half later...)

love that remaining gifts intended for delivery months ago (hello, christmas?!) will finally go out in the next few weeks because i can (finally) create music cds, labels, and the like.

love that terra couldn't resist sleeping on some of the softer aforementioned gifts (hey, they were on the guest bed), requiring me to order altogether new gifts for two people and keep the (now dirty) original ones for ourselves. it's good thing i like them myself!

love that winter's cold and scarcity have been thrown back and off by the imminent arrival of spring (and my annual bonus!). ever since our raspberries came back with a delicious vengeance without any effort on our part, i have been joyfully adding new perennials. they never let me down.

love the anticipation in the pear, peach, apple, apricot, and cherry trees in the form of taut buds. love the gooseberries, currants, and blueberries not far behind. love the rhubarb and strawberries stretching fresh green curls from the soil. love how in spite of the fact that i have felt more like a marketing director and less like farmgirl lately, my farm's got me covered. even if i do nothing (ha!), there will be plenty for the kitchen and the pantry in the coming weeks and months.

love that with the greening of the garden, comes the greening of the yard. it won't be long before we make this...

late spring 2009

...look barren. love the ever-expanding lawn, including the new chokecherries bordering the yard, and the contemplation of where, exactly, we should put our enormous white trash pool this year.

love moving furniture and emptying older pieces in anticipation of a new farm-style. (we were fortunate in that we both had pretty much the same styles of furniture when our lives came together. today, we're both over it. too many pieces reflect lives and relationships we have long since left behind.) love that we are collectively saying goodbye to a dozen or so mexican pine pieces and instead embracing a more simplistic farm aesthetic: lighter, brighter pieces with both a more antique and modern danish feel. (yes, i am trying to bring to life both my grandmother's farm and my danish heritage. yes, i realize that makes no artistic sense. trust me. it's gonna work out.) love that i will never again have to viscerally recall hauling the pine corner cabinet back from el paso in pouring rain--and total silence--with the meanest man i ever dated.

love daylight savings time and the deep, abiding joys it delivers. as farmers, we have an obvious investment in more time outside (particularly since we now both have more-than-full-time jobs): more time to plant, water, weed, prune, prepare, etc. after work each day. but the delicious rewards don't end there.

love how daylight savings time is also the official beginning of the horse's training season, which means that riding and pony time will soon find their way on our calendars on a more than regular basis. love that this year training takes a new twist for sera and me: by the end of the summer, we'll be jumping and, hopefully, competing. love the excitement surrounding working with all three horses in new ways, especially after they have grown accustomed to their new living arrangements, giving them all more confidence and peace of mind.

love, saturday.

love, saturday - phinding phinda edition

2011-03-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

We are ophicially the most phortunate people on the planet.

Meet Phinda Izilwani (Swahili for return of the wild dog) . He's a four-year old Rhodesian Ridgeback from our friends at Krystal Rhodesian Ridgebacks. He was orphaned when his mother died giving birth to his litter. The folks at KRR, who were friendly with his breeder, were an immense help in keeping the orphaned litter alive. Phinda was a gift to them, a thank you for their kindness. He's been with them ever since.

Phinda, who is by far one of the most beautiful Ridgebacks I have ever seen, was shown some, but was eventually taken off the circuit. He's a sweetheart, and he shows his affection in unbelievably adorable ways (read: CUDDLER). There was plenty of room (and oodles of love) for him. I can't imagine he wanted for anything. And yet...

When all of their dogs are present, he simply slipped into the background. He loves attention, but he becomes a wallflower with the other dogs. For his sake, they entertained finding him a new home. They actually tried three times, but, after every conversation, Phinda never even left their place.

Until today.

Today we visited our friends at KRR. We saw Az' brother, T (who brought us both to tears when he entered the room), and his beautiful sister, Leilani (who tugs on the heart, too, with her resemblance to Sonora). But really, we went for Phinda.

somewhat out of focus
totally in love

He stole our hearts immediately. Quiet. Not much of a licker. Soft as velvet with gorgeous bright eyes. Oh my goodness, he completely melted me. Incredibly, they invited us to take him home on a three week trial basis with an eye to our giving him a forever home.

If we thought he was a lover at their place. Wow. Half of the way home he had his head on one or the other of our shoulders. The other half of the way he was literally curled up in my lap. At one point he was completely flattened, leaning up against me, his face pressed hard against mine. My husband and I were overcome, laughing, okay, yeah, crying a little, too.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Imara greeted him with a wagging tail! It took our breath away.

We figured we'd just let them do their thing.

So we watched...

about 6 pm

And waited.

about 6:10 pm

Yeah.

We feel pretty good about it all.

As phar as we can tell, Phinda has phound a new pharm phamily.

love, saturday

2011-02-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

love having an abundance of water again! hot showers, full water troughs, the ability to mop the floors and water the plants--oh, how we'd missed you!

love, love, LOVE getting paid after a brutal financial month (our new car and associated down payment, car payment, and insurance, vet bills, well repair bills, and the like). as of today, every bill is paid, every check is in the mail. best of all, an all but forgotten investment paid back enough to make it feel like we never had those bills to pay at all. love being caught up on our financial responsibilities with room to play! can you say massages? sushi? the movies? i know we can.

love our growing layers and roasters. love "chick checks" at all hours of the day and night t

o ensure they are warm, fed, and watered. love that fifteen of them mean i won't have to wonder what my expensive agribusiness organic chicken breasts endured before reaching my plate.

love henny penny, the rhode island red with a heart of gold, and her insatiable desire for my company. (yes, she was pecked clean in her previous home where she was overcrowded--her feathers are coming back.) love how she pecks gently at my boot to let me know she wants some of my time and jumps eagerly into my lap for snuggles. she may be at the lowest end of the pecking order with the chickens, but she's still tops with me.

love planning for our farm, from organizing seeds and planning biodynamic planting days to watching the perennial garden slowly emerge again to pricing a trunk freezer to designing a mud room and root cellar. love our greenhouse with its beds at the ready and our raised outdoor beds with their strawberries, rhubarb, and artichokes greening.

love our to-do list:

replacing our ancient, dilapidated blinds with new cellular ones for better efficiency
removing our horrific carpets and replacing them with wood floors
completing the colorful clay painting of the living and guest rooms
leveling the grounds at the front of the property to allow for a small regulation horse arena for training
replacing our Lexus/Toyota SUV with a pick-up capable of hauling our horse trailer

love watching winter's cloak recede from the landscape. love that punxatawney phil didn't see his shadow. (i had a bullet with his name on it if winter had lasted even one day longer than it needed to...) love the promise of spring and the horsey time that comes with it. love my fancy new competition helmet and the secret promise it represents.

love that with spring comes BONUS TIME. love that there will shortly be a new Apple computer and an iPad (to replace the two PCs that takes ten minutes to do anything, if, in fact, they decide to follow through on doing it all) as well as a spinning wheel in my life.

love spring cleaning and the inevitable yarn stash cleaning it brings. love always reducing the stash by one whole rubbermaid tub. love every skein of the yarn that remains. love being just few hundred feet away from finishing my mil's scarf/shawl. love the shawl's easy fishnet lace and scrumptious alchemy yarn.

love winter while it lasts with its the crackling wood stove and kettle for hot tea. love sitting beside imara on the couch, finally writing the letters and assembling the packages that i've been sitting on for months.

love my husband and his incredible courage, strength, and support during what was an emotional and trying week.

love our friend jennifer and her kindness in not only coming to bring our az to peace the day before she left for vacation, but also for her compassion in seeing to it that he was taken care of without our having to dig a hole or spend money we truly didn't have at that moment. there are no words...

finally, i will forever love az. while imara has absolutely adopted me, az was truly a momma's boy. i will be forever grateful for his unconditional love and inimitable spirit. i delight in knowing that he is no longer suffering and have absolute trust that his love, and ours, will go on.

Goodbye, Sweet Bear

2011-02-27T13:44:00.001-07:00

Four and a half years ago, still pining the loss of Sonora, Zach and I began talking about finding a new companion dog for Imara. As the only dog in the farm family after her mom's passing, Imara was slowing down more than we liked. With no partner in crime, she began spending more and more of her time on her bed. Knowing she'd benefit from a "buddy," we decided to welcome another Rhodesian Ridgeback to the farm to keep her company, keep her active, and keep her safe. (Area predators won't approach two dogs, but they can work together against one...)

With that, a friend of a co-worker of Zach's let us know about a local couple who breed Rhodesians. They care enough about the quality of their animals' lives that they require every one of their puppy's owners to sign a contract that requires them to surrender the dog back to the breeder should they ever decide not to keep it. Unbelievably, a family had surrendered their male dog, Az, after SEVEN YEARS. Forgotten when he was put out to pee one evening, he was hit by a car overnight only to be remembered and found the next day with multiple fractures in his legs and hips. The family, preparing to move out of state, was whelmed by the care he required. He was seen to by an emergency vet and returned to the breeder a short time later. After seven years, they gave him back.

While Az' history was unthinkable to animal lovers like us, we considered ourselves fortunate that his story led him to our farm family. The day we were supposed to "just meet him", we fell in love with him. Big, bumbling, unassuming, he behaved as though every ounce of attention he received was a precious gift from heaven. He was slow and compromised from not only his recent injuries, but also a lifetime of having been overweight. We brought him home to Imara with his bandages and horse pills and she, too, was quickly charmed. Within hours, they were making mischief together, in spite of her broken heart and his broken bones.

It wasn't long before Az' personality and character secured just be farm as his forever home. He was fierce at the gate, committed by Imara's side, and an utter teddy bear with the people he loved. His antics (and his gas) were legendary. He loved to eat poop and fresh baked yeasted bread more than anything else on the planet. (And, yes, his breath was incapacitating.) His reckless abandon in joyfully rolling around the lawn belied his age. Because his car accident left him with nerve and bone damage, he often had trouble navigating indoor areas without traction (like rug or carpet). His nails had to be meticulously kept so they would not interfere with his funny approach to slippery floors. Yet he'd come barreling to the door or gate to greet me with grunts and whimpers that made me feel like the luckiest woman on earth. And he'd play tirelessly with Imara, almost always letting her win...

Where Imara is incredibly intelligent, Az was a bit more dopey. Where she has a deep emotional connection with certain people, Az loved everyone and almost everything with equal vigor. His lovable nature and hilarious contributions to our household earned him more nicknames than I can count. His silliness reminded me of Fozzy Bear, hence Azwee Bear was born. (This went to AzWiiBear after we made him a Nintendo Wii avatar...). I secretly called him Marmadookie because of the innumerable poop jokes that surrounded him. Zach found Stinky Doodles, which also stuck. He was sweet as can be, never asked for anything, and never complained.

In hindsight, it's amazing that Az didn't complain. We knew he had osteoarthritis in three legs. Having been kept overweight and under-active for the first seven years of his life, he wasn't exactly set up for success. We fully expected he would "go" before Imara. I said to my husband earlier this winter that I worried just how white Az' face was growing, just how much the cold seemed to be taking out of him. There was stark contrast between the bright eyed dog rolling on the grass in summer and the white-faced, heavy-eyed dog who groaned so much this winter. We knew he was getting older, knew he wouldn't live forever. Slowly, the dog who would eat anything, wouldn't eat much at all. He began coughing and clearing his throat as though something were stuck deep at the back. We changed his food, watched his behavior. Next, he couldn't pee as well. Quickly, he was having trouble controlling himself in the house altogether.

So I told the vet on Monday that we were prepared because we knew Az was already at such a disadvantage. Just answering the question, "So, what's going on with the big guy?" with what I already knew was enough to keep me very sober about potential outcomes. When the truth of Az' circumstances revealed themselves, however, I was overcome. Not by the gravity of just how ill he was, but by how much he had been suffering. Neurological compression in his back. The ongoing osteoarthritis. Then came the blood work: moderate kidney failure, white blood cells off the charts. Then the x-rays. First, we saw a bladder the size of a basketball. It had to be unspeakably painful. Then the vet focused on the x-ray of the front of Az' body cavity. Since I know nothing about dog anatomy I didn't expect to recognize what I saw, I just waited for the vet to explain what those unrecognizable organs were. The moment he clarified that they were metastasized tumors fanning from his compressed back out into his lungs, esophagus, stomach... yeah. Every symptom--difficulty breathing, aching joints, lack of appetite, incontinence--came together to paint a much more grim picture than even I'd imagined. Everything could be explained and the explanations were not good.

With that, I called my husband (who was working with the well repair team to get us water after three days). Az was suffering. Had been suffering for some time. We knew what we had to do. We wept, we talked, we agreed. With that, we asked to have his bladder drained (for temporary relief) and for enough medication to keep him comfortable while we worked to make the necessary arrangements. We brought him home, spoiled him rotten, and tried to get our hearts around saying goodbye. Because honestly, asking him to remain with us (and suffer) for one more minute would have been unthinkably selfish. And no amount of "extra" time with him would have been enough.

On Tuesday afternoon, Az went peacefully in our arms on our kitchen floor on his favorite bed thanks to an incredibly generous vet friend. (Gratefully, she made arrangements for him to be cremated at an area shelter and took him on our behalf so we could stay and mourn with Moose.) I know that while we remain here with our hearts broken, he's bounding joyfully across the grass over the Rainbow Bridge. He's probably getting his ass playfully kicked by Sonora.

We love you, Az. We miss you terribly. We were privileged that you chose us for your forever home. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for how you loved us.

Especially me.

Most especially Moose.

love, saturday - valentine's edition

2011-02-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

love, finishing objects. like the little pocket-sized pig i knit (shown here pre-sewing and felting...) for david's birthday. i was worried he wouldn't like it. of course, he loved it. (he put the felted pig in his shirt and kept it right in front of his heart all evening long.)

love apricot, the knit and felted hedgehog* i made for kristin's birthday. apricot is about as adorable as they come. and she's not just super-sweet. love that she has a deeper side, too. there is a handwritten buddhist prayer knit within her as well as a two-inch rose quartz crystal heart.

love beginning the week with valentine's day, which i was savvy enough to take off. love my husband and the incredible day we enjoyed not to mention dinner: penne with rosemary cream sauce and roasted chicken (from an aphrodisiac cookbook), salad with my father-in-law's dressing recipe, strawberries dipped in ghiradelli chocolate followed by winter white chocolate ice cream in a baskin-robbins mud pie. oh, and, bailey's. mmmm, bailey's. love me some bailey's.

love spring, which is truly busting out all over in unmistakable ways (not the least of them being the winds. not so much loving them...). love how much we enjoyed a truly delicious, lazy start before spending the day with the animals...

don't love just how important that time became after our beloved duck, duchess, was, well, mauled by the chickens yesterday evening. we isolated her overnight and tended her wounds with antibiotic cream today just in time for her to perk up--and for her luck to change. today duchess was joined by not one but TWO new ducks: a khaki campbell drake named mr. quacks, whom we were expecting, and an enormous, surprise pekin female who happened to show up at the feed store before our friend from the feed store brought the drake. love watching duchess shift from dejected, wounded soul to joyful girl before our very eyes as the two newbies settled in. love knowing she's happy, and her safety is assured**, once again.

love that the weather was nice enough to get us outside and allow us to work in the barn. love that, thanks to some serious elbow grease, every one of the horses now has a spic-n'-span barn and enclosure. love that the work required to provide them clean barns after such a streak of weather was enough to remind me that i will never need a gym membership as there were countless wheelbarrows to load and haul. love drowning the ferocious wind the entire time with florence + the machine on my fantastic new headphones. love that we are less than one week away from some serious abundance around here. love that the biodynamic calendar is up, seeds are being organized, and the fruit trees are stretching for the sun.

love that there is still more to love, but the quickly approaching storm and my untrustworthy computer don't leave me with the confidence to remain logged on...

love, saturday.

_____________________________________________________

*for those of you who are paying attention, apricot might look a bit, well, off as familiar hedgehogs go. that's no mistake. she is purposefully modeled after a european hedgehog. kristin gushed upon seeing the killing cuteness in my photos of the one that visits my aunt and uncle in their little village in denmark.)

**our chicken, gloria, had been fiercely protecting duchess right up until the sun went down yesterday. sometime after our first chick-check, the new chickens must have gone after her. she didn't suffer long, but she definitely looked much the worse for wear. she's blinking in the photo, so she looks still worse here. trust me, she is well and being utterly pampered, especially by her new boyfriend...

a few more of my favorite things

2011-02-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

At the top of the list would be a working computer, but, since we don't have that yet, we'll start with the more tangible items on the list:

Rearranging our house. My beloved husband must have the same sick gene I do since we both like to completely rearrange furniture and rooms on a regular basis. (Oddly, both of us have been like this since we were kids.) This time, the spontaneous rearrangement resulted in a switch between the guest room (which we were using as our master) and the actual master suite. That means we're once again right off the bathroom, next to big closets, showered with light in the morning, with a huge, private living space. With the move out of the other bedroom and closet, I got my pantry back--it's again chock full of canned goods, brewing-canning-dehydrating-cheesemaking equipment, and winter coats.

Restoring our house. Last year we pimped the garden, adding new beds and a greenhouse. This year, we've looked around and thought, golly, wouldn't it be nice if the outside was simpler to care for and the inside was more bright and nourishing? With that, we've primed both the guest and living rooms for new clay paint to brighten and lighten the house. That and we've decided to remove some raised beds to open the garden up again.

Welcoming new critters. In what can only be described as a massacre, we lost all but one chicken (Gloria) and one duck (Duchess) to coyotes in a coop breach last year. (They actually climbed over the roof and through the ceiling!) Recovery has been slow as it's not easy to find chicks or ducklings in winter. That and we were a bit crushed, frankly. Finally, new additions are both here and on the way. A few weeks ago, our neighbor gifted us with six hens (three Silver Laced Wyandotte and three Rhode Island Reds) all of whom have seamlessly integrated with Gloria and Duchess. It's a delight to have so much activity in the chicken yard again--especially with hens that like to jump in your lap and cuddle. The joy won't end there... Next Monday, February 14th, we'll receive 25 newly hatched chicks: 15 Cornish Roasters for eating, 2 Buff Cochin, 2 Black Cochin, 2 Speckled Sussex, and 2 Auracauna pullets, and, lastly, 1 each Barred Rock and Buttercup cockerels. We should have an even more lively yard (and stuffed trunk freezer) in a few short months.

Knitting. For a brief time, I didn't knit. Not even a little bit. Initially, it just kinda was what it was. No big deal. It wasn't until I couldn't knit that I began to grow alarmed. My head and hands simply weren't having it. Too depressed, too arthritic, too cold, not inspired, you name it, I felt it. I didn't even knit on airplanes, which is like the Seventh Sign. Then, suddenly, BAM! Knitting again. A wrap for my mom, a handknit wool throw, a felted pig, a felted hedgehog. My husband is so relieved!

KitchenWitch'ing. This probably won't make sense to anyone but me. In 2008 and 2009, I was ridiculously active in our farm kitchen and garden as well as at my crafts table. I cooked, created, crafted, and conjured like there was no tomorrow. Much like with knitting, my energy for it suddenly just disappeared, though on a much larger (and longer) scale. After almost a year in the underground of my psyche, my witch is reawakening. She has dough rising and crafts glue drying right now.

Just being. Our farm's name has an interesting evolution behind it. The name did not begin as a peaceful, reverent homage to a simple life. It actually made light of extremely frustrating personal situations for each of us. Today, the farm's name has sloughed off its old context to become a perfect fit in a new iteration. We both truly delight in just be-ing on our farm, appreciating each moment, especially both the stillness and liveliness brought to our lives by our animals. My day today is bright and warm at home in spite of the bitter cold and blustery snow outside. It's amazing what a sanctuary our farm has become for us and family and friends alike.

My marriage and, therewith, my husband. I am fortunate to have married my absolute favorite person on the planet. I love his personality, delight in his company, trust him implicitly. Ours is a wonderful marriage, a true partnership, a joyful connection. I don't have the words to describe my feelings for him; I only know I'd be utterly lost without him.

love, saturday

2010-10-09T14:06:00.001-06:00

love being home again, and for more than just a day or two.

love coming home to such incredible abundance: over 50 pounds of biodynamically harvested german butterball and rio grande russet potatoes alone. love how these and other recent items are being put to work for us. we're not perfect planners, but we're making some serious headway on our little farm. and we're putting some serious stuff by. love that our winter looks to be a yummy and abundant one thanks to our summer garden.

love what has to be the best homecoming-to-a-pile-of-mail ever:

a random act of kindness from a friend who just wrote us to say thanks
a paycheck stub that made me feel like i got a raise...
...because the auto-deductions for my 401k loan have ceased!
a notice that not only has my first 401k loan been repaid, but I have overpaid it, so here's a refund check!
a receipt for the vet bill that was--up until recently--hanging over our heads
an electric bill that was down by over 30%
stamps for domestic and international rate mail for use in catching up with friends

truly the best. mailpile. ever. also, two magazines: hobby farm and mother earth news!

love collecting cards, notes, stamps, and pens together for an afternoon/late evening of letter writing to friends far on the map, but near in my heart. love that there will be time today to write them--i've been looking forward to finding (making?) this time since before i went to denmark in some cases...

love that today includes obligatory relaxing because tomorrow we will be working our asses off. that's the day we travel to dismantle, load, and move an enormous amount of horse fencing to be used in transforming our horses' world. (with all of the just be farm critters we are taking things to the next level. today, our little larry the lounge lizard* got his terrarium pimped with some fresh habitattitude: clean windows, new sand, fresh bark, washed logs and rocks.) tomorrow, the pony world begins a transformation to ultimately include a new two-12x12 stall run-in shelter, four unique stalls, a shared turnout, and new barn rules. a scale has already been ordered. new corner feeders arrive tomorrow. dry erase board, training schedule, and improved pony care (and relationships!) coming soon...

love making labels for just be farm creations again. love that they include everything from homemade concord grape jelly to home grown tomatillo and home smoked chipotle salsa. even the copious muscat grapes with their heavenly blossom fragrance and rich deliciousness were biodynamically juiced and saved for later use.

love the tomatoes, raspberries, watermelon, and more that await my attention today.

love our newly rearranged living room with its wider open spaces, straight/clean lines, clean/reinstalled wood stove, and super-cozy feel. it's downright hyggeligt. room to seat many friends. ability for everyone to stretch out alone or together for reading, knitting, napping, even the wii. perfect for scrabble games by the fire. cozy in the extreme. just in time for the fall chill, too...

love my husband, mr. bee, and his wonderful way of loving me. love our budding farm operation, growing fiscal maturity, and improved critter and garden stewardship. love everything about my beloved just be farm.

*he's really an african fat-tail gecko, but he chills like a gangsta

News in Brief - 9/5

2010-09-06T13:28:00.001-06:00

After an extra challenging week I find myself asking: "how bad do you want it?" Answer: Not bad enough if I still don't have it... So I'll be working harder to focus on the good, not the bad. Which brings me to a sort of bad news/good news edition of News in Brief:

Bad news is money is so tight I was starting to have anxiety attacks. Good news is I'm letting that go. Really. Life is too short. Money will be flush soon, just as soon as the tax lawyer nightmare is over. And I have too many wonderful things in my life to waste time feeling bad about money. So I've decided not to feel bad. So there. I'll be turning my eyes and heart toward abundance instead...
Bad news is I am scrambling before my next trip after just returning from a tough one. Good news is the next trip is VACATION with my Mom in Denmark! I totally don't have my head around that yet. At least the tequila, peanut butter, and green chile have been purchased. Just a few more gifts to get...
Bad news is my original iPhone finally got too out of sync with my life thanks to its lame battery and now-unsupported firmware. Goods news is I bought a new iPhone 4 and gave Zach my original one. (Bad news is that new iPhone is my first credit card purchase in six years--SHUDDER.) Good news is my new iPhone really does kinda rock. And now Zach can text again. (giggle)
Bad news is several dear friends have lost cherished horses unexpectedly in the past few days. My heart breaks for their losses. The only good news here is I am reminded how precious every day is with our critters. Which is why my beloved husband and I are headed outside to pamper the ponies right now .

News In Brief - 7/15

2010-07-15T16:24:00.001-06:00

Based on some excruciatingly challenging life situations between mid-March and mid-May, I frankly expected 40 to suck ass. It doesn't. AT ALL. I can feel the darkness receding and the light advancing in profound ways.
My job is so crazy awesome and so awesome crazy right now there are no words to describe it. I am losing my mind and kinda loving it. If only it wasn't so completely taking over my life...
Our little farm is not so little any longer. We're having to redefine "harvest" and really plan ahead. Things that used to be "harvested" in bites and handfuls are coming in as handfuls and bushels; former baskets promise to be barrels. It's insane. Our potatoes are waist high, carrots are knee high, butternut squash is taller than I am and heavy with fruit. The grapes are breaking their wire supports. The farm is a thriving, immanent picture of abundance. It is also officially no longer a hobby.
Imara is the World's Most Sensitive Dog. When I moved the picture of our beloved, departed Juno last night, I said Juno's name aloud as though I were speaking to her. Imara immediately, hopefully popped her head up from her bed and beamed, looking around for our missing cat. It broke our hearts and we wept openly for beautiful, precious Moose and sweet, lost Juno.
Right about now, I feel 40--being mature, behaving responsibly, making sacrifices, taking the high road, learning lessons, growing up. I just have to find a way to also have time. There are four packages that have been waiting to be sent for, oh, MONTHS and there has been no time between the day job, the farm, and business travel. But soon...

love, saturday

2010-05-29T14:03:00.001-06:00

love turning on the computer for the first time in over a month. the break was a much needed retreat from facebook, spam, media, and the cult of celebrity. (i even deleted the facebook app from my iphone.)

love our reclaimed front porch replete with rickety turquoise adirondack chairs, a mexican pine coffee table, potted geraniums, and a dinner triangle. love that the arm of the adirondack works perfectly as a wireless mousepad.

love our new garden tours. most nights when i return from my office, we walk around the garden checking on progress, looking for new sprouts, determining ripeness and basically surrendering to the magic and mystery surrounding our homestead. (often, said tour involves a delightful cocktail that is slowly sipped from arapaho thornless blackberry to duke blueberry.) from day to day, we can see the emerging delights changing and growing--it's breathtaking. photos uploaded in one batch but taken four days apart would appear to reveal vegetables planted weeks apart, but, no, that's just how big the same head of lettuce got between sunday and thursday.

love my new cowgirl hat and its new, custom, handmade hatband featuring bees. i fell for this ribbon on a visit to a taos fabric store on a fiber festival weekend two years ago with my knitting kninjas; it has waited quietly for its purpose ever since. love how this two-second crafts exercise lit a fierce fire in my belly to get out my glue gun, felt, buttons, and anything else i can find to engage myself again creatively. (why did i stop?)

love my mom's mother's day visit and the successful reveal of her new alchemy kozmos waterfall wrap. my blocking wires hadn't arrived yet, so i asked her to leave it here, but she clearly loved it. love how the wires arrived the day after she left, making it possible to block and deliver it before her attendance at a NorCal wedding. love blocking wires, y'all. seriously.

love discovering that i am a lace knitter. (socks are next, catherine.) i thought i would hate having to follow a pattern, but it turns out it's all about the chart. if a chart has a corresponding pattern written out, i can slay it. and i have. (new, oh-so-secret, handspun lace project about to get underway. stay tuned...) love having a mindless, goofy project like this outrageous little girl's dress for my friend's daughter. she loves pinks and bright, flashy fabrics. this ought to do!

love that our farm gardens are aggressively expanding--and thriving. while there will be no fruit on the first-year fruit trees or the old growth apricot this season, the berry shrubs all promise to reveal their flavor if not their bounty in this first year. (that's gooseberry, two kinds of blackberry, two kinds of currant, four kinds of raspberry, and five kinds of blueberry. can you say food dehydrator, jam, pickles, syrups, and pies?) the greenhouse is now cleared of all of the spring starts and perennials that were waiting for the right biodynamic planting time which has made it possible for me to muscle in some potted greenhouse surprises: citrus trees! love that we are now growing our own navel oranges and meyer lemons! love that figs and limes are next. love that my dream of going "off-the-grocery"* is looking not only possible, but immanently do-able and without the heartbreak of a winter without fresh citrus fruit.

love hearing the ladies--duchess, pandora, and tilda--quacking about in the newly erected duckworld. love their unique personalities, hilarious posturng, and playful water aerobics. as the inimitable dominique says: ducks rule.

love how terra the terror tabby has transformed from a psychotic spaz to an old school farm cat now that we've introduced her to the outdoors. A new, unbreakable collar was all at took to be able to let her go outside. training her that wet food comes to her when the dogs eat and the dogs eat at dusk has taught her to come running indoors at dusk for her treat. after losing our beloved juno, we aren't taking any chances with this little one wanting to be out late. that said, we couldn't keep her from the world any longer. seeing how happy she is now makes it obvious how unhappy she must have been before, poor girl. worth the wait to have her know that the chickens aren't for eating (although we apparently have to teach her they aren't for PLAYING, either...), the dogs aren't a threat, and her ma and pa can always be trusted.

love that i am making time for needlepoint today.

love our growing farm family.

love, saturday.

_____________________________________________________

*much like people go "off-the-grid" by using alternative, renewable energy resources to buck non-renewable systems, i am interested in getting off of my grocery stores' shelves by sourcing my nourishment as locally, seasonally, and sustainably as possible. obviously, if something isn't able to be grown regionally whatsoever, you have to go without, get creative, or make an exception. things like coffee, citrus, and pineapple often find themselves in the seasonal or regional lifestyles dealbreaker/exception category.

gone too long

2010-04-18T16:09:00.005-06:00

There’s much to update from our little world. The ponies have begun to shed their winter coats in earnest, the chickens are back to laying with a vengeance, the otherwise brown, grim canes of the perennial berries are alive with green buds, the apricot and apple are both boasting early blooms, and we are up to our ears in projects.

First, we’ve completely changed the context of the property by extending the back yard fencing all the way around the front effectively doubling the space in our protected vegetable and fruit garden while also tripling the fenced area available to the dogs. This single (and not so minor) project has rendered the house that you could once drive right up to completely and utterly private. (So much so that I dug holes in the front yard for our newest raspberries, blueberries, and grapes while completely topless. I felt downright European.)

That same project made way for the new 12’ by 24’ greenhouse which is now up and coaxing our first seedlings forward. That meant that we could move the first batch of starter seedlings (with associated fluorescent lights and large, metal table) into the greenhouse which, in turn, means we can now reclaim the bedroom that had become a temporary grow room.

The extra fence that protects the greenhouse also opened up more soil for root vegetables, netting us space for five varieties of potatoes—all organic, most heirloom, some rare. Of course, it wasn’t long before two more varieties of grapes, two new varieties of raspberries, and two new blueberries were added to that environment. Just eight hop rhizomes, ten asparagus crowns, fifty strawberry roots, and six rhubarb crowns to go before we’ve got all of the non-seed starters in the ground.

It goes without saying that the fence was no small project. The new outside fencing is really more like a privacy wall. When you include the new fencing within the yard to protect the garden, we’re talking about over 300 feet of new fencing. That’s postholes, some with concrete. Gates. Rabbit-proofing. (Then there’s the greenhouse that needed a level pad. Let’s just say we’ve been busy.)

We are nevertheless lazy today thanks in some part to our neighbors and a little bird named Fish. Whereas we had planned to finish more permanent garden fencing in the back, dig holes, and plant strawberries, we were side tracked by a phone call from our neighbor asking if we had lost a duck. When we assured them we hadn’t, they told of a little duck they’d found on the doorstep, presumably injured. When a second phone call revealed they intended for the duck to go to an animal shelter, my husband—who has hitherto talked me down from the duck cliff—suddenly acquiesced and invited the injured duck to join the farm.

As it happens, this little duck is not your average duck. She appears to be a wild mallard female. (We call her Fish because she is a fish out of water—I mean, how does a mallard find her way to a doorstep in Lone Butte?) Still, within hours of her arrival it was possible for me to go to the local feed store to pick up not only “duck food,” but also three more ducks. We are now the proud parents of three Indian Runner ducklings (and temporary wards to what we think is one wild mallard duck).
Between the new additions—both animate and inanimate—and the new growth around the property, it’s impossible not to be moved and humbled. When I think it can’t get any better I remember that there are three fruit trees (a three-in-one pear tree, a four-in-one cherry tree, and a Hale Haven peach) being delivered this week and our Kenyan top-bar bee hive should arrive any day…

So, yes, it’s another good day at just be farm.

love, saturday (couldn't talk - knitting olympics edition)

2010-02-28T10:28:00.004-07:00

love, saturday. it is finished. :0)

love, saturday

2010-02-21T10:56:00.001-07:00

love, saturday

2010-02-14T12:16:00.009-07:00

love the coming together of philanthropy and ponies via the hoofbeats for haiti ride.

loved sharing my first ride with barb and blue (at right), even if i wasn't on my best behavior or performance... love connectinig with barb ever more meaningfully all the time. love feeling the tug of a shared future drawing me and us forward.

love seeing my beloved husband on shadow, riding confidently, smiling broadly. love that he went from "that's all you..." when i said i wanted a horse to "i love how i feel when i'm with them..." and "i think i'd like to become a farrier..." love that his customers now compliment his work to the people at our local feed stores.

love having a local feed store, especially one that knows our names. love my hard-working, generous husband. love that he speaks "knitting" fluently. love that today he was heard to say something along the lines of: "i don't want you to not buy yarn--you should buy it if you like it. you make beautiful things and you don't spend hardly anything on yourself. it's nice for you to be able to see a pattern, look in your stash, and go a-ha!, that's perfect!"

love the 2010 knitting olympics. love completing the provisional cast-on and five inches of required stockinette for my "event" on the drive down to san acacia and back. that puts me on the cusp of starting the lace pattern today. this is the same lace pattern that caused me to throw my hands up and frog this sweater in 2006...

love my first (and probably last...) cold stone creamery experience on the way home from the ride: mint with brownies, fudge, and chocolate chips. all in a cup size that can only be described as "american". it was embarrassingly indulgent. but it was fun to try.

love knitbuddy, the row-counting, needle-wrangling app for the iPhone. this thing is worth every penny of the $2.99 i paid for it--no more row counters dangling. SO COOL.

love looking at the calendar and realizing i am going to nyc (!) with Catherine (!!) just for fun (!!!) in less than three weeks (!!!!!). i have not gone on a "just for fun" trip with a friend in, oh, about eight years. this will be after the performance evaluations at work are done. SO excited. love contemplating a nyc project a la the knitting olympics. i'll be in airports, on airplanes, and talking all night over four days--clearly i can complete on the trip, right? something like, say, anhinga using the obscene amounts of debbie bliss alpaca silk aran in my stash?

love ALL of my friends and family. critters, too. truly, i am blessed. :0)

love, saturday

2010-02-07T12:26:00.006-07:00

in the interest of full disclosure, let me start by saying that this particular love, saturday primarily features decisions we have come to as a result of things we don't love. basically, there is a rather long list of things not to love from yesterday. this is me making the best of it, looking on the bright side....

love our ponies (aka over winter and mud). since this is the first winter we've had them, this is the first time we've experienced the depressing horror that is being unable to ride them, work them, groom them, or clean their corral due to mud, snow, freezing temps, or wind. next year, if we are still at this location, we will board our horses at our friend's home down south. we'll have more valuable time with them if we drive down there (where it's warmer and clearer) every weekend and they'll be happier in the warmer climate, too. breaks my heart to imagine not seeing them every day. but this is just too icky. we've had no more than a 24 hour break in the weather since january. it's weighing heavily...

love home grown produce and sourcing/pricing our new greenhouse (aka SO over winter and mud). we have looked at greenhouses before, but this winter has officially pushed us past discovery and into action. our road conditions and weather impediments made it impossible for us to get to the store without significant planning last week. (seriously. this is not a joke--we are more likely to be "mudded" in than snowed in and it IS a real problem.) our meals had fewer fresh veggies and produce as a result and, boy, did we feel it! our energy was down, i had headaches from the processed food, we both slept poorly. SO... we have found a 12 foot by 24 foot greenhouse which we will be purchasing next month. we are buying fresh grow lamps to start seeds next week as well. 2010 is truly going to be the year of home-sourced nutrition.

love stash busting (aka embarrassed by the size of my stash). i have committed to not purchasing yarn in 2010. (okay, okay, there are two important exceptions-- travel yarn and yarn required to complete a project using yarn already in my stash...) you can't believe what this decision has done for my knitting productivity and creativity. for one thing, i have finally begun the infamous twisted float shrug using the gorgeous 12-skein hand-dyed wonder i purchased, oh, two years ago...

love finishing what i start (aka i spent how much on yarn for something i haven't even worked on in four years?!). thanks to the aforementioned stash busting, i have completed two projects that were floating on the needles forever--the gathered pullover and the louisa harding cabled pullover (right). i have even frogged the treacherous VD Shrugby and redeployed the boucle yarn. thank goodness the cabled pullover blocked longer than it appeared it would, or it would have been declared a disaster.

love creatively deploying stash yarns (aka loathing variegated yarn, frogging, and boucle). for dishcloths. and bathroom rugs. and fingerless gloves. even an asymmetrical shawl from the boucle yarn i spent four hours frogging...

love knowing when to just let go (and give away. and just move on). anyone want six full skeins of variegated pastel berroco lullaby yarn in the goodnight moon colorway with some leftover berroco plush in orange, purple, ice blue, and pink for good measure? there is easily enough to make an adorable baby blanket. (that's why i had it, after all. see the endora blankets one and two for my results...)

anyone want two rather large balls of remnant variegated yarns from valentina devine? there is actually quite a bit here, i've just used what i needed... the blue and green skein is much darker than it appears here, fyi. the skein on the right is more effectively featured at the top of this page. pretty, no?

i've even got remnants of ultra alpaca (olive/mustard) and other woolens that are perfect for felters. i have genuinely exhausted my uses for them and would love to see them go to a good home...

also, there is a bunch of wool-ease yarn in rust red or oatmeal (4+ rust, 3+ oatmeal). i've officially made all the hats and gloves i can with them. they're yours if you want 'em or any of the aforementioned up-for-grabs yarn lots. just let me know. seriously. i'm happy to pay it forward!

love my husband. so glad he's feeling better after having the ick in the early part of the week. love our valentine's day plans of painting our own pottery, grabbing an indulgent lunch, seeing a movie, and coming home to snuggle up for the evening.

love my life. love my family. learning to love, saturday and mud and winter all the same.

Two Small Changes

2010-02-07T11:19:00.003-07:00

I am delighted to be able to report tremendous success with our one small change commitment from January, 2010. You may recall I promised to use our earth-friendly grocery bags at every visit to the grocery store. There are several reasons I can safely say we kicked butt:

I have used our bags for every store visit
I have additionally committed to fewer trips to town (thereby reducing carbon footprint, too...), so I have only been to the grocery store twice and therefore...
The second visit resulted in a $500 grocery purchase to last us through the month--for which we actually had enough of our own bags!! (The checkout clerk was astonished, frankly.
The second visit was undertaken in Zach's vehicle as our road is virtually impassable these days due to mud/snow/ruts. I even had the foresight to transfer the bags to his car before we left and to take them with me when he dropped me off

I am confident that we can continue this one small change into February and beyond. Small though it may be, it feels wonderful and we're sticking with it. I've even put several bags in Zach's car just in case he has occasion to run to the store for us... ;0)

So one small change for January (and beyond) accomplished, which brings us to...

One Small Change for February!

This one begins with an uncomfortable confession. In the month of January, our company conducts "panels" (like committees) to evaluate employees' performance. They typically run for several days and last from 8 AM to after 5 PM. Because we work right through lunch, the company buys us lunch which is delivered by a service to our offices. Now, the driver comes every day anyway because we are remotely located and many employees don't want to bring their lunch. That said, I *like* bringing my lunch. And I am not a fan of high fat, highly processed foods. They are expensive, too. Still, I found myself eating a lot of these lunches because of noon hour meetings or lack of planning on my part. But you know what I really noticed this January? EVERY ONE of these lunches comes in a styrofoam or plastic container! UGH.

For February, my one small change is to bring my lunch, every day, without the use of disposable containers.

This affords me several advantages:

My food is of a higher quality nutrition
Meals are prepared using my groceries (which are organic or sourced from home)
Fewer petroleum products are used to create the containers in which my meals are carted one time
No additional fuel is required in order for little old me to have lunch

In order to effectively prepare for the inevitable days where I oversleep or forget my lunch, I have sourced and placed pantry items in my office cabinet. Even if something unforeseeable happens, I'll have a hearty can of soup or frozen leftovers upon which to rely.

I am genuinely excited to be taking charge of my lunch nutrition and shopped with an eye to nourishing myself. It's such a small, simple thing and yet it took a conscious thought to secure it. I'm so glad I've decided to make this one small change for my Self, for the planet.

What will your one small change be?

love, saturday - early edition

2010-01-30T14:34:00.003-07:00

love walking under the moon's light and delivering a surprise midnight snack to the horses.

love how frost transforms a landscape's most mundane features.

love the reassuring patterns that can be found all around us.

love forgetting about time and just taking the day in...

love knowing that the day's quiet will be followed by an evening rich with laughter, great company, dinner at a dive, and a ride back from ABQ under the moon's light.

love watching sonora's willow sway in the breeze, its frosted white arms stretching up into the blue.

love putting the finishing touches on my chocolate brown cashmerino sweater. love the cable pattern cyn found me to round out the cuffs. love that i wore at least one handknit item to work every day last week.

love the seeds that continue to arrive by mail. love how they remind me that soon there will be dirt under my fingernails again...

Wow, really?!

2010-01-30T12:04:00.004-07:00

Before I formally love, saturday, I need to share some regrettable news: the blog has apparently been discovered by someone who thinks it's fun to post inappropriate comments, most recently with links. Since they were occurring in a foreign language, it was difficult to catch on right away. I've updated blog access and comment security settings as a result.

For those of you with kindness or insight to share, I look forward to sending your comments through to the blog and apologize that I am now required to moderate them before posting.

To the offender, you, your tricks, and your seedy links are not welcome here.

if we were to hypothetically say...

2010-01-25T21:55:00.001-07:00

...that this is our draft mission statement, what would you say?

just be farm is a thriving, working, self-sustaining farm that delivers exceptional experiences, nourishing foods, and old world learning for its guests while affording an abundant, joyful, rich environment for its inhabitants. We bring biodynamic principles to bear in our pursuit of a broad range of farm commitments:

Livestock and herd management including grass-fed beef and pork, free-range organic poultry, and small scale dairy and fiber production;
Small-scale agriculture including perennial fruits, cover crops, and intensive row farming; and
Old world wisdom including culinary arts, homesteading skills, handcrafts, and fiber arts.

Collective resources are generously and broadly applied to small batch natural and organic products for local markets that diversify farm income. Our intention is to both teach and learn as we pursue our dream of maintaining a small-scale, self-sufficient homestead that creates more than it consumes, delivers more than it demands, and deliberately moves and grows.

Know Your Source

2010-01-24T13:42:00.006-07:00

I'm on a bit of a soapbox today. In spite of the fact that I read the news and listen to NPR daily, somehow it still escaped me that the Supreme Court has decided to allow major corporations to donate big bucks to individual political campaigns. (Thank you, Facebook?! Oy.) I realize that media is flawed, but I don't get how this couldn't be the top story of the day--days even. Weighting political campaigns via corporate financing has such huge implications for our economy, health care, educational systems, our very lives, that I am beyond miffed. This news is as good as promising that our ballot votes no longer count. I try not to tell people what to do or direct individual freedoms--especially because I know I could always do better with my own--but I can't NOT say something here... Our votes with our wallets have never mattered more!

People, it's time for us to aggressively withdraw our financial support of corporations that do not reinforce our values or support a sustainable future for all living creatures.

This isn't going to be easy. It's not as simple as buying organic. Or buying locally. Or making your own. It's about understanding the holistic circumstances surrounding the creation of the things we consume, purchase, or invest in.

Organic has advantages, but what of the mass-produced organic macaroni and cheeses coming from Kraft? If you think they're investing the money you spend on their organic products on sustainability in agriculture, you're kidding yourselves. Organic produce has become so heavily and inappropriately regulated that it is prohibitive for many farmers. (Many small scale farmers are choosing to fore go organic certification altogether--while continuing to honor organic growing practices--in order to keep the government out of their farming practices. Yay, them!) Organic produce, while better than conventional farming, is still often done on a macro-farm scale, up-ending the balance of the soil and draining it of its live-giving properties, requiring organic chemicals to restore balance to the ecosystem. Much organic produce is still shipped from across the country or even the globe. The hidden costs of mass-produced organics can often outweigh their perceived benefit to the consumer. Which is depressing, I know.

Local has advantages. Reducing the carbon footprint associated with food delivery makes an enormous impact. Knowing your farmer has distinct advantages, too. Being able to dialogue about growing practices and new things you'd like to see at market is invaluable. (Imagine asking for organic endive and getting organic endive. Pretty simple, no?) But even "local" can be deceiving. Some locally grown and raised items are not endemic to their environment, requiring significant "artificial" support. Consider meat raised "locally" but on a mass farm scale: in a tight barn, consuming feed from hundreds or thousands of miles away. There goes that carbon footprint reduction, not to mention the quality of life of the animals...

Growing your own has distinct advantages, too, but I know from firsthand experience how tricky that can be, too. If you don't have appropriate soil, sufficient water, appropriate climate, you have a whole new set of challenges to meet. And then there's the not-so-little problem of seed-sourcing. I can't begin to describe my horror when I decided to do some homework on the seeds I had purchased from a well-known and well-reputed seed supplier in Oregon. (That would be Territorial for those of you keeping score.) Imagine my disgust at discovering that seeds they had marketed and packaged as their own were sourced by none other than corporate giant Monsanto. When I challenged them, they unapologetically stated that "quality seeds were scarce." Uh-huh. I buy from a local, organic, non-GMO seed supplier now; they proudly and transparently share their seed sources with their buyers. (And the resulting produce is even better than that resulting from Territorial's seeds.)

I'm not suggesting that this post includes anything approaching a solution. I only know that we can no longer afford to take shortcuts as we make our decisions at the supermarket, at the farmer's market, in our gardens. Please, friends, know the source of your food, your clothing, your medicine, your seeds. Do your homework. Make wise choices on behalf of our children. Employ alternative healing and natural medicines where you can. The Supreme Court's ruling changes everything as it severely limits our ability to have our ballot votes count; we have to begin voting in new ways, with new determination, discipline, and commitment. I know I am bringing a renewed level of ownership to our consumption. I hope you'll consider doing the same.

Kristina

love, saturday

2010-01-24T12:23:00.007-07:00

even though i love being snowed in with the critters, i love the thaw. winters feel longer and colder than ever before in santa fe. the longer days and warmer temps warm my heart.

love baking organic biscuits for the dogs. i used to do it all the time, but, after sonora passed, i couldn't bear it. (the last batch was baked for her and buried with her, rubber-stamped with words like "love," "peace." she hadn't eaten for three days and then i baked her biscuits, and she ate them. it broke my heart...) i finally found the courage to bust out the cookie cutters and go for it. love how overjoyed imara is that i am baking them again. she melts me.

love being able to look to our farm for more and more staples and delights. love lavender, pickling spices, and chamomile from our back yard. love breakfasts with home-raised eggs. love being able to recognize which hen laid each and every egg.

love baking: artisan sandwich loaf, banana bread, dog biscuits, organic rolls.

love, love, LOVE the robins, indigo buntings, chickadees, and thrushers that delighted us for hours by eating every last olive from the russian olive tree at our front door. at one point we counted no less than fifty birds in the one tree--all dashing and diving for the last of the olives. the tree was heavy with fruit at 9 AM; by noon, the tree was completely stripped.

love farm "chores" like feeding, grooming, washing, folding, mending, sweeping, knitting, planting, planning.

love realizing that my beloved husband is sitting in a sweater i made, wearing pants i mended, eating eggs from chickens we know and love with homebaked sourdough toast and homemade raspberry jam, with a haircut i gave him.

love creating an action plan for our farm, our life, and our vision:

a thriving sustainable, biodynamic farm that celebrates balance and harmony.
a homestead that serves as a restorative gathering, learning, and celebration destination for family, friends, neighbors, community, and strangers alike.
acreage that effectively serves as a proof source for our dreams, our lives, and our values.

love just be farm as she exists today. love imagining and building her tomorrow.

love, saturday.

One Small Change.

2010-01-18T14:57:00.007-07:00

I often find inspiration from my beloved friend Catherine over at yogurt and granola. Most recently, I absconded with a link for Hot Bliggity Blog which delivered the fabulous new background shown here featuring none other than our wedding flower, the Black-Eyed Susan. I love it so much I am almost not embarrassed by my otherwise shameful copy-catting of Catherine's idea.

Today, I found yet another inspiration from Catherine: One Small Change. I am not only jumping on board, I am changing retroactively, too, since my change can (also) go back to January 1st and directly impacts our planet.

My one small change? No more plastic bags at the grocery store.

I already do this on the one hand. I own quite a few cloth/recycled grocery bags. And I use them as much as possible. But. I too often forget my bags in the car. And that's the rub. It's hardly "as much as possible" if the cloth bags are ALWAYS in my car and I NEVER turn around to get them. All I have to do is remember to BRING THEM into the store. Or pull my cart over and go out to GET THEM as I get ready to pay. Seriously. You know what's even worse? I grocery shop once per week, very deliberately, with a list. Why don't I write the damn bag reminder on top of the grocery list so I remember to get the bags from the car before I have perishables in my cart? Ack. It's unforgiveable.

I haven't gone grocery shopping yet in 2010 thanks to a well-stocked pantry and a week-long business trip. That means I can start this change fresh. And I'm changing this one small thing starting now.

What will your one small change be?

Whole Lotta Knitting Going On...

2010-01-18T14:19:00.006-07:00

...and weaving in of ends. And seaming. Seriously: today is my single most-knitting focused day *ever*!

First, I completed knitting the large, back piece of the Hanne Falkenberg DaCapo sweater. Marked stitches accordingly and put it in a bag where it will sit until I finish some of the other, closer-to-done projects. COnsidering the back curves around to the front and is knit on size, oh, THREE needles ending with almost 400 stitches, I'm pleased with this accomplishment. I am now ready for a short break from garter stitch rows on small needles, thankyouverymuch.

Next, I completely finished Zach's sweater. Which was supposed to be David's sweater. But then David, uh... how shall we say? grew? The size originally designated for him became somehow less than ideal (even though I got gauge...) So. Now it's for Zach. This 85% wool, 75% mohair sweater is blocking and drying in the back bedroom. That's right, that's an FO. The first in 2010 if I'm not mistaken. It is actually quite lovely. Don't mind the apparent line through the chest: that's just a fold in the towel beneath it.

Next, I cast off, wove in ends, and felted several new panels for our new bathroom rug. This is basically an inspired way to:

dispose of our dilapidated, boring bathroom rugs
avoid buying something new
aggressively use up stash yarn; and
add color to our bathroom.

I am insanely pleased by how the panels are coming out so far. They are much deeper and richer in color than they appear here. Also not obvious here? How soft and thick they are. Yum.

Next again, I wove in ends and did some seaming on the much maligned fuschia sweater from the Fall 2007 Vogue Knitting. There is still work to be done here, but I am closer than ever before to "finished." Only another hour or so before some of the biggest work is done. See the ruffle at the bottom? I remain undecided as to whether or not to add this to the sleeves, too. Other knitters have reported taking off the ruffle at the bottom and the cuffs. I'm just not sure. Something tells me it could be kinda cute, but...

Finally, I felted and placed our new red tablerunner. It protects the table from scratches and salt/pepper debris while adding a little color. Charming, no? You'd never guess this was supposed to be a panel for the bathroom rug until felting made the otherwise rich red become more muted and brick-ish. It started out garnet red and became kinda barn red. It dragged the color in all the other panels down a notch. So now it's a tablerunner.

What is that? Five knitting projects in one day? And it's only 2:30 PM? Pinch me!

love, saturday

2010-01-16T13:56:00.005-07:00

love my friends, who remind me that where i am is exactly where the universe wants me to be.

love my family: the eckers, the jensens, the bauers. love their generous love, their kind support.

love our horses. love eli, the one-ton love muffin. he looks like fabio, cuddles like a kitten, and plays like a puppy. love how he walks up to me and gently asks for attention (and next demands it) if he's in the mood.

love the big, green ball. love how it brings out the playfulness in all of our horses. love cochise, our spooky, sweet appy.

love my beautiful seraphina. love discovering last night that my "original" name (jennifer) is a different version of her original name, guinevere. we were both delivered to and adopted by the perfect homes for us. she's no gwen. i sure as hell ain't no jennifer. thank you, universe, for seeing that and intervening on our behalves.

love working with sera, teaching her new tricks, watching her learn.

love that our chickens come running to me when they hear my voice or my footsteps.

love planning our garden knowing that this year we'll have time to tend it. love ordering over a season's worth of only organic seeds from seeds of change with mostly heirloom and biodynamic varieties among them. love that they are local to us. love creating a garden that will sustain us for most of this year--and build our pantry well into next. love deliberate living that is high touch, high feel, and low impact on the environment. love including a ton of perennials like blueberries, blackberries, asparagus, rhubarb, and grapes on this year's list so there will be even more fruits from which to make jams, jellies, syrup, and more.

love finally finding the perfect pattern for m-i-l's hand painted baby alpaca laceweight yarn: juno regina. bee-yoo-tee-full. love five projects in my knitting basket, each within less than one hour to completion. love that one is for zach, the rest are for *me*!

love making plans that will make 2010 our best year yet.

love fat tuesday and five blissful years together. love my husband. love my life.

New Year, New View

2010-01-11T14:22:00.005-07:00

Resolved:

That 2009 is over. All associated stories, complaints, and grievances are hereby retired. I ain't talkin' about "it" no more. Can't make me.

Resolved:

That I shall blog often this year. Joyfully.

Resolved:

That I am on a yarn diet until I am down to one Rubbermaid tub. (From, er, three...) Only travel/gift/exchange yarn allowed.

Resolved:

That variegated yarn is RIGHT OUT. I shall not succumb to your wily ways this year, you colorful balls of eventual stripey horror. Ho no.

Resolved:

That we will mark this year with fewer projects--but more enjoyment of said projects. Screw the greenhouse, the root cellar, the second bath. Give me instead a new, simpler corral, improved horse turnout, a trunk freezer, and MORE TIME WITH OUR FARM.

Resolved:

That I am unapologetic in my desire to be a 21st century homesteader. You can keep calling me a hippie, a hick, a country bumpkin, a crunchy granola type. I am none of these things. (You know who you are; you're only saving me time by going there. Now I can get back to making cheese.)

Resolved:

That this year we will give more than we take, create more than we consume. We will close the year having reaped more from our garden and our hands than ever before.

Resolved:

That 2010 shall be my best year yet. I turn 40 this year, y'all. I love every minute of my life. Even this one, in San Diego. On a business trip. Go figure.

Resolved:

That my life is ripe with accidental miracles, though they grow more deliberate every day...

a few of my favorite things

2009-09-01T20:28:00.007-06:00

we have tarantulas in new mexico. did you know they can walk on windows? we didn't...

we have other friendlies, too. we seem to be particularly rich with elegant praying mantises throughout the garden.

we thought maybe we'd get a handful of raspberries. ho, no. we're gonna need more hands.

our heirloom red heart celery is making a bold comeback. can't wait for chicken salad with home grown heirloom celery!

we are free ranging our chickens back where the horses roam. the chicks eat the leftover grains, scratch through the grasses, and generally improve the environment with sweet chatter.

our patio flowers remain off the hook. seriously.

we have more apples this year than ever before. they're bigger, too. this year, we're adding cider and juice to our apple deliverables. (you know that means the hard stuff isn't far behind...)

i am back in the kitchen. finally. we have added an american wheat, an american amber ale, and a spiced winter brew to our pantry. can another round of mead be far off? i think not. did someone say melomel??

i married my beloved one month ago today not far at all from our apple tree. my feet have yet to touch the ground.

Yes, yes, YES!

2009-08-27T20:03:00.002-06:00

I remember now! We are slow food people. I have a garden. I knit for meditation. We often brew our own beer. I make a remarkable Cheddar cheese. With everything that's gone on in the last few months, there has been no time for any of those things. Can I just tell you how good it feels to be moving slowly enough that there is room, again, for accidental miracles to happen? To toss a handful of our own sweet grapes to our newly free-ranged chickens? To plan dinner according to harvests and biodynamically-beneficial days? To ponder again the malt and hops for our next batch of beer? To eat ridiculously delicious edamame from our own garden? Today a finch found herself trapped in our kitchen. She alighted from my hand like a promise out the back door.

I am caught up in every way. I am ready for thank you notes.

;)

love, saturday

2009-08-23T18:36:00.004-06:00

love that we finally are getting back to normal after our wedding.

love that today's light showers have *forced* us to relax indoors.

love that our garden is finally recovering. love that this year we'll have new mexico chile in our harvest.

love joining friends in san acacia for a leisurely ride. love that i can ride dacodah's beloved mustang, red, with his blessing. love feeling confident and solid in the saddle again.

love that our cauliflower is not giving up. love that soon dinners will be based upon available harvest (and not grocery store prices/freshness/etc.)

love that the flowers planted by my beloved friend catherine are still going strong--their colors are *electric*, the photo doesn't do them justice.

love that the same edamame that did *nothing* for us last year is producing 20, 30, and more pods per plant this year. love fresh steamed edamame on salad with sesame soy lime vinaigrette.

love that the dogs had a playful day, too. love that they love each other so much.

love that our apples are finally beginning to show their blush. i predict canning, saucing, and juicing around labor day. fitting, no?

love being able to take a minute, look around, remember what i love, and ponder it.

love today. love tomorrow. love just be farm. love being mrs. bauer. love, saturday.

Magic - August 1, 2009

2009-08-04T10:56:00.002-06:00

Thank you!

love, saturday

2009-05-02T22:36:00.003-06:00

love rain-free forecasts so i can finally ride again.

love that my uncle and aunt offered up the family farm in denmark for our wedding (even though it's totally unrealistic, it melts my heart that they asked.)

love our gardens, especially the one we finally planted with bulbs to honor sonora. love that the harbingers of spring are in full chorus.

love that zach graduated this morning and will come him in less than an hour as a farrier.

love wedding planning (who knew?!), mostly because we aren't planning that kinda wedding...

love having friends as neighbors and neighbors as friends.

love planting things in the garden intended for our wedding guests.

love southwest airlines flying to minneapolis!

love red wine, starry nights, and promises kept.

love counting the minutes until the headlights shine in the driveway.

Two Weeks Before Last Frost!

2009-04-30T21:12:00.004-06:00

Just a few signs that Spring is not only in the air, but also the earth, the sky, and my heart!

Sweet lilacs

Los Chitches

Raspberries return

Iris

A sweet cider promise

You should hear the bees...

This will be totally red when the roses come.

The first lily in Sonora's circle.

Sonora's weeping willow--twice as big as last year.

Random wildflowers

The "church" for our wedding :)

love, saturday (bringin' 'ya up to speed edition!)

2009-04-25T12:05:00.004-06:00

i could spend hours writing about everything that's happened since last i found time to write: the barn is built, the horses are home, my hair just keeps getting shorter, zach is in oklahoma at farrier school, the seeds inside are yielding six-inch starters already, the perennials outside are coming back to glorious life, and every last one of the fruit trees has exploded into bloom (some before the last frost, alas). yes, there's much to say about how i love homemade yogurt and granola, love volunteers in the garden, love my new kureyon sweater, and more, but there's little point as these things are all eclipsed by one simple, shining, love-ly piece of news:

we're getting married. :) so....

love that my dream of being zach's farmwife is about to come true.

love that the details don't really matter yet (even though we are tentatively planning an 8/1 wedding and need to get crackin'!) because the groom and the bride can't stop talking about how happy they are to be spending the rest of their hard-working, critter-loving, land-tending days together.

love the bauers. love that they have long been my family in my heart--regardless of my marital status--thanks to their generous, welcoming spirits, and their deep, genuine love for each other. proud to have been chosen by their youngest son, so grateful for the gift that is his love.

love that i can honestly say that i LOVE my in-laws!

love that i am "gaining" a kick-ass sister and an awesome brother, too.

love that my family adores zach. love that he has embraced them with such an open heart.(love our whole extended family, really--from critters to cousins.)

but mostly, i love zach.

i love the depth of his kindness and the size of his heart. i love his capacity to love every part of me--even the ones i work to eliminate (like my brat, my diva, and my sissy). i love his work ethic, his hunger for knowledge, his desire for adventure, and his abiding love for home.

love that we are matched by our core values and a shared vision, that our hearts sing the same song. love that he has proven himself to be my best friend, my consummate partner, and my one, true love. love that i can trust him. love that i do.

love that i have never laughed more in anyone else's company. love how well he listens. love that i am a MUCH BETTER PERSON for having found him as his love has changed, encouraged, and healed me.

love that together we are building a simple, abundant, joyful farm life. love the countless ways in which the house we share has evolved into a sanctuary, a playground, a zoo, and our home.

i love my man and everything that our love has sown and reaped.

love just BE farm.

love zach.

love, saturday

2009-02-07T19:20:00.002-07:00

love haircuts (and not "clean-ups")! love, love, love having short hair again! love using less shampoo and no blow dryer. i got another fifteen minutes back in my morning! joy!

love friday...it was hard won this week.

from left: kelpie, seraphina, and zach

love waking up early saturday to spend the morning learning with my angel*. love how she rolled in the dirt before getting up to work with us.

love getting in volunteer time at the shelter and mucking the stall for a pregnant mare due any day. love seeing zach on a tractor. yee-haw!

love sera's soft, warm muzzle and her big, sweet eyes. love getting to know her personality and likes.

seraphina

love that she loved it when i rubbed her forehead today.

love sharing lunch at the brewing company so we don't waste food or get too full.

love warm, homemade chocolate chip cookies for dinner.

love having bread dough in the fridge and granola on deck for the food dehydrator.

love clean sheets that smell like lemon verbena.

love a fire in the wood stove.

love a clean cat box.

love knitting. love being asked to knit for someone for whom i have been wanting to knit.

love that i spent hours with horses today. love that i will spend more time with a different one tomorrow!

________________________________________________

*the horse they call gwen and we began to call isis made it very clear: she is not gwen or isis. so we waited to let her tell us her name. and she did. she prefers seraphina; we call her "sera" (pronounced like "sarah") or "angel" for short.

love, saturday - goddess edition

2009-01-31T16:49:00.009-07:00

love coming home after a business trip to a clean, quiet house full of welcoming creatures.

love altitude and dry air.

love animated features. (i know. but, i do.)

love volunteer orientation that includes snuggle-muzzles.

love being greeted with a HUGE hug by another volunteer when she discovers i am preparing to adopt the horse they call "gwen."

love hearing six different people tell me that the horse they call "gwen" is their favorite at the shelter.

love hearing the stories of who she was. (riding through a mcdonald's drive-thru? been there, done that!)

love mucking a stall around the horse they call "gwen," playfully nudging her as i move around her.

love her big, gawky feet. ;)

love learning that she is 16 hands and her registered name is excalibur flame.

love knowing that there is no way THAT--or gwen or guenevere--can be her forever name. she looks like the black stallion, but she is gentle and she is a "she..."

love talking it out in the car and then coming upon it, like a jewel among the goddess names...

she is black,

with one white star,

one low, white sock,

and a handful of white sparks scattered across her back.

she has dark, bright, wet eyes

with long, dark lashes.

she is isis. and i love her more than words can say.

love, 2009

2009-01-25T09:58:00.005-07:00

love that today is sunny, bright, and hopeful.

love hearing the sound of little girls' laughter, especially in our house.

love family-style meals--with family. love that our families are our families.

love that even though my beloved aunt faces a tough battle, she is positive and surrounded by love. love that soon I will see her--and my mom--to do what I can to help. (still, hate chemotherapy...)

love surprise packages from friend's with gifts, yarn, candles, and all kinds of heart magic.

love our incredible animals. love their snuggly, goofy, beautiful ways.

love planning our greenhouse, our barn, our future.

love, love, love thinking positive--but being realistic--and having everything work out even better than one had hoped.

love the dogs, the cat, the chicken, the fish.

love when dreams come true.

love when dreams come true with bright eyes, flowing manes, and nuzzly muzzles.

love dreams come true with comfortable gaits and a heart connection.

love it when the reality actually beats the dream...

love my new horse, gwen.

thank you, 2008

2008-12-29T17:05:00.002-07:00

thank you, 2008, for our garden. our pantry. thank you for organic food in abundance.

thank you for imara and az. thanks for juno. thank you for elton and george and the chickens.

thank you for my friends in the knitty different and for belly laughs with david and don.

thank you for my grandmother's coffee set, her bedspread, and her deep-seated memory in me.

thank you for my family, especially my mom and my aunt. thank you for zach's family, for the best thanksgiving in memory.

thank you for putting horses back in my life and my heart. thanks for reminding me it's never too late to learn and that learning is so much fun.

thanks for everything we have to look forward to next year.

thanks for my job with all of its perks--working with one of my best friends, leading a great team, enjoying what I do.

thanks for our health and the health of our loved ones.

thanks for showing us that the simple life is the way.

And the winner is....

2008-12-07T10:57:00.002-07:00

Catherine!

Which is hilarious for so many reasons, not the least of them being that UPS is sitting on the package she won from the last contest. It was supposed to be delivered last Friday.

So, Catherine, keep your eyes open for a) a big box with prizes and surprises from the zucchini contest and b) a birthday/give-away day package, coming soon. ;)

Give-Away Day!

2008-12-03T18:07:00.005-07:00

No better way to resurface in the blogosphere than with a little contest. No better day, I would think, than Give-Away Day which is none other than today, December 3rd. No better inspiration than my dear blogging friend, Catherine over at y&g.

So, without further ado: free stuff for you!

The winner will be randomly selected from among the beloved readers who post something friendly to this blog sometime between now and Saturday, December 6th at noon, New Mexico time.

What are the winnings you ask?

Why, let's see... since a local fiber artist is having her trunk show on the 6th, what say we honor her? How 'bout two skeins (270 yards...) of 50% silk/50% merino yarn hand dyed by local NM fiber artist Valentina Devine?

Happy Give-Away Day!

love, saturday (totally overdue edition)

2008-10-27T18:39:00.012-06:00

love visits from faraway friends like Kirsten who joined us for a weekend from Slagelse, Denmark.

love seeing new parts of new mexico with old friends.

love that we didn't even know this area had been opened to the public. (love that we only found out because we got to talking with the lady at the los alamos museum.)

love private bus tours of valle caldera with guides who know more than a little about history, geology, and the weather. (thank you, mr. trout!)

love forgetting myself in the wide open spaces, big sky, and welcoming horizons.

love autumn.

love hot tea, home baked banana bread, and cuddles.

love az and imara.

love juno (even though she's been walking all over us the last few days and nights!).

love revisiting favorite locations like bandelier.

love tree-lined paths and babbling brooks.

love exploring!

love new mexico's landscape, history, and culture.

love fall color.

love picnic lunches with organic carrots and bleu cheese dressing.

love wrapping up overdue knitting projects.

love planning next year's garden.

love beautiful november days like today.

love ten days to zach's birthday.

love surprise knitting successes. especially made out of felted, fair isled kureyon.

love, love, LOVE that zach's mom, dad, and sister are coming for thanksgiving.

love that my mom is coming, too. love that they will finally all get to meet each other...

love that the last of the tomatoes have ripened so we can clear out the kitchen and MOVE ON from the canning extravaganza of '08.

love that the last of the tomatoes contributed to tonight's dinner: slow-cooked chili.

A question of perspective: Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin

2008-10-12T08:44:00.003-06:00

(Used with permission from gather.com)

What if things were switched around?

Think about it. Would the country's collective point of view be different? Could racism be the culprit?

Ponder the following:

What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?
What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?
What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?
What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain had graduated from Harvard?
What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)
What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?
What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?
What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?
What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are? This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

Educational Backgrounds:

Barack Obama:

Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:

University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

John McCain:

United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:

Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world.

You make the call.

Hey, Sarah Palin

2008-10-06T11:36:00.004-06:00

Warning on the language for the delicate among you. But do watch if you aren't opposed to some colorful expletives. ;)

An editorial note from me: I love everything I know about Ross Perot. Bit of a disagreement on that one...

Call and Response

2008-10-03T18:19:00.002-06:00

There is so much to talk about, there's no way I can say everything about it all in one post. So we'll take a shortcut by doing a little call and response. (Okay, technically, I am both calling and responding which is a decidedly fresh approach to call and response since it isn't very call and response like at all, really. It will shorten things up in any event.) I'll briefly introduce the topic and then briefly summarize my current thoughts/feelings on said topic. Ready?

Here we go:

Some people... are just good, kind, generous people, through and through. And their thoughtfulness takes your breath away. Like my co-worker, who just went on his honeymoon to Ireland and Scotland over a year after he got married. He calls me from Ireland to tell me he saw a yarn shop, they had some wool, he thought of me, would I like some? He comes back with two ginormous skeins of mac Eocagain aran wool from the Galway Woollen Market. For me. On his honeymoon. Oh, that I might live to say I have earned my proximity to good people who think of others first. Because I need to learn this. I love the wool, but I love knowing someone who sets a great example of what it means to be a friend even more. I got two gifts. I treasure them both.

Home canning... has reached a white trash pinnacle at just BE farm. My last recipe included cinnamon Red Hots. Seriously. They went into an apple, sugar, vinegar, water, ginger, cinnamon concoction that is bright red and quite spicy. Supposed to be great with pork. Go figure.

Courage... has a really funny way of changing your life. Six months ago I started a knitting group in Santa Fe. I was practically paralyzed by fear and insecurity when I did it. It took everything I had to post my first notice, respond to emails, show up at the first meeting. You know what? Tomorrow four of us are sharing the drive to the Taos Wool Festival where we will fondle alpacas, hike in the aspens, enjoy meals, and horde yarn. We've even got hotel rooms for the night. Do you know how scared I was of trusting and reconnecting with women my own age after I divorced myself from my last group of friends over two years ago? Do you have any idea how much I love these women? Do you know how totally worth it everything was and is?

Mercury... should be considered an enemy planet whether we ever find life there or not. Every time this bad boy goes retrograde my work computer begins to blue screen me, people forget how to communicate with each other, and travel becomes a nightmare. It goes direct October 15th. I plan to celebrate.

Sarah Palin... talks to the people of the United States like they are children. I am not a child, Ms. Palin. Feel free to communicate with me as an adult*. You may be a hockey mom, Ms. Palin, but you are not my hockey mom. Cut it out. I played hockey. Seriously. That doesn't say anything about my leadership ability. Or yours.

______________________________________________

*I started to say "communicate with me as an intellectual equal" but I quickly saw how that might be a problem sentence. I'm just saying.

______________________________________________

And, finally,

Paul Newman... was a class act. From his enduring, passionate love for his wife to his generous, active endeavors to improve the world, he broke the mold. The man did organic before organic was cool. My beloved mom was visiting us in Santa Fe when we saw the news he had passed. She said he once gave her a ride in his Porsche back when he was a patient in her doctor's office. You should have seen the look that came over her face; it said it all.

Can we agree...

2008-10-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

...that "maverick" is now a bad word?

Pooped

2008-09-15T21:55:00.006-06:00

Y'all, I need a nap. I am so tired I am descended into cranky. Just stopping in while the last batch of canning processes to update el blog on the latest comings, goings, and cannings. This will be brief as I am, you may remember, tired.

Our garden is on overdrive and therefore so are we. The last little while has delivered two kinds of tomato sauce, some pickled beets, several jars of pears, some crispy pickles, and our famous apple pie filling. People at the office have begun giving me the items from their gardens that are about to pass their prime, leaving me with the burden of doing something with them. (In some cases, people have actually come to expect that I will not only create something incredible from their overripe bounty, but also that I will bring them half of what I make from it. That would be what I would respectfully call nervy.) We are determined to joyfully accept these gifts, but it sure would be nicer if they all came in on one day. It gets old coming home and canning every day, just two jars at a time. Still, not complaining, gift horse and all. We'll be eating like royalty come winter, that's for sure, both thanks to our own foresight and my co-workers lack thereof.

A recent harvest

We went to the New Mexico State Fair on Sunday with my fabulous friend Barbara and her boyfriend, Richard. Doubtless, the best part of the day was spending time in their company. Had it not been for them, I might have had a minor meltdown over the utter lack of fair at this year's fair. Honestly, you can learn more about New Mexico agriculture, farm animals, and farm life at our house any day of the week. And I work a full-time job as a director at a major local company. Sheesh.

Anyhoo, Barb and Richard are fabulous. We spent the day wandering the fairgrounds, laughing, people watching, and munching insanely toxic food. (That's another peeve: no farm vendors AT ALL. Your only choices were corn dogs, sno cones, and Bud. What the *#$%? One incredible moment: standing in the hogan [right] of the Indian Village, gazing at the sky. Mmmmmmm...)

Anhyoo... Did I mention Barbara is part of the soon to be disbanded Knitty Different? That's right, it's going so well, we're stopping. We decided we love the group just as it is; we don't want to grow beyond our current size, we don't need no stinkin' rules about when and where to meet, and none of us is hip to charges for membership. So, the die-hards among us are exchanging emails about when and where to knit. Because now we're not a Meetup group. We're friends.

On the knitting front, I am happy to report unbelievable progress on both of the WIPs for me. If Zach drives to Abiqui next Saturday, I am virtually guaranteed to have finished both--yay! A quick image of one can be seen below. The yarn is hand-dyed by a local fiber artist. It is not *nearly* as stripe-y as it looks in the photo. (Yes, I know you should alternate rows to reduce that effect in hand-dyed yarn, no I didn't do it, no, I'm not sorry, I still love my sweater. It's MY sweater. I've never made and kept one for myself before! Did I mention I need a nap?) It's knit in a delicious silk and merino blend. I mostly improvised the pattern after a glance at the Big Sack Sweater in Sn'B. The cable is where the similarities begin and end.

The other WIP, the Tutti Frutti sweater, is also nearing completion. The body has been knit to the sleeves, both sleeves are done. Now it's just split body for front, back, and v-neck, knit, join sleeves, block, and wear. After all these years, I may finally end up with some knit stuff for myself. Take into account the delicious Berroco Ultra Alpaca Zach's parents sent me for my birthday earlier this year, and you can see why I am getting excited. I think I may finally be on a streak of knitting that I can not only get into but get into. I think I have finally learned how to say, "This one is for me!"

love, saturday--so glad to be home! (photo journal edition)

2008-09-06T14:10:00.008-06:00

Note that some photos go back to two weeks ago, just to show how much better the garden looks with the new fence. Note, too, that the fence gave us about three more feet of space along the length of the garden...

before the fence

more before the fence

gorgeous grapes

our corn (two weeks ago...)

more before the fence

tomatoes

not one, not two, but THREE mantids (two mating, one just kinda hanging on...)

another friendly mantis on the corn

flutterby

another close-up of the mantids

bug

this year's NM sunflowers, well on their way

biodynamic carrots galore

biodynamic lettuce

biodynamic broccoli

sweet cantaloupe

this year's ENTIRE apple crop

an english slicing cucumber

the first pumpkin, already turning

the new "pigeon window" in the coop

my sweet babies featuring the bestest rooster ever, Elton

FENCE!

patio pot

patio pot ii

fence in front, fence in back!

Today's Totem - Ant*

2008-08-21T16:01:00.003-06:00

The ant is a carpenter ant who greeted me on the bed sheet when I first awoke this morning. He was wandering around going nowhere in particular. He was big, shiny, and dark.

I was supposed to get up and have some kind of "Superwoman" day. Do it all, look fabulous doing it. Since I overslept by about two hours and then got distracted by a cruddy email for another four hours, I hadn't quite lived up to my promise for the day. As I awkwardly navigated myself away from my emotions and back into just BEing, I saw the carpenter ant again in the bathroom. He tooled around my bare feet while I *finally* washed the pot we used to scald our roasting chickens so we could remove their feathers. I saw him again in the bedroom closet, goofing around on the floor, while I folded and placed laundry. He was on the floor next to the bed when I stripped it to wash the sheets this morning.

When Zach called at 3 PM to say he was coming home early from work only to start work on the fence project at our house, I starting to seethe at myself. He would be putting in a huge day--and what had I done with mine? I grew impatient with myself about not having accomplished more. Who gave me permission to relax? These were hard-earned vacation days and I should be doing more with them. It's already Thursday!

I obviously had my bratty hat on.

That's when I saw the ant again. Sitting still on the floor in the bedroom. He looked like he was watching me. So I looked up his totem.

Ant.
Patience, Order, Discipline

A person with an ant totem is active, community-minded who sees future needs. You are a planner but content to build your dreams slowly over time. You are content in knowing that everything will come to you in time.

The ant teaches you how to become the architect of your life. The greatest success comes with persistence. The ant shows you how to work with others.

Ask yourself if you are making things harder than they need to be. Are you being patient with your own and others' efforts? Using discipline, you can lay a foundation for success.

The ant is the promise of success through effort.
___________________________________________
*Don't laught at me. I may never do this again, but this seems to be a trend in my life, so here goes: For the past three days I have been having truly extra-ordinary experiences with animals. First, I found not one, not two, but three praying mantids on me in one day. Three. (They were unique, too. I saw all three of them at one time in the "release" zone.) I was so taken by the fact that I kept finding them that I thought to look up their totem or medicine meaning. The experience with the meaning for the mantis was so powerful, I did it again when the owl and the ant experiences happened. Beginning with the ant experience, I thought I might like to log it. You know, just in case.

Just had to share...

2008-08-21T12:56:00.002-06:00

...I used my "diary" (and not the blog) to populate wordle and got this:

My, my, my. Had to share.